People Want Becca's Dorky Ex to Be The Bachelor

On the fantasy suites episode of Arie's season of The Bachelor, our cloddish boy told two of his remaining women (Lauren and Becca) that he was in love with them and told the third (Kendall) that he was "falling" for her. So he's escalating these relationships.

But producers decided that the show needed to be escalated even higher, so they flew in some drama in the form of Becca's ex-boyfriend.

"I didn't know it ended in a proposal until somebody told me," he said, when he showed up onscreen with no explanation. Hmm, who do you think told him? This dude dated Becca for seven years. They broke up a year ago, probably for good reason. He said they were soulmates and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. So he went to talk to Arie about...Arie relinquishing his claim on her heart.

"Hey, what's up, dude?" said Arie, cheerily, when Ross (which is this dude's name) knocked on his door.

"I'm Becca's ex," said Ross. Arie was confused. He invited him in, and Ross explained that he found out the show ended in a proposal and he wanted to marry Becca. He came here to get her. "I would have swam here if I had to," he said.

Arie asked how Becca would feel about Ross asking her to marry him. Ross didn't know. Arie didn't know either, but he did say that his relationship with Becca is very far along. He didn't seem particularly perturbed by Ross' presence. Very polite, that Arie. Ross said he might not even respect Arie and Becca's relationship if she turned him down, which was a very Trumpish thing to say (Arie is 2016 Hillary Clinton in this analogy). Arie did say in his confessional interview that he was angry. He called Ross a "f---ing nerd," which felt like a very authentic reaction. Ross doesn't seem particularly nerdy, but that was the word that was in Arie's heart. If anything, Ross kinda seems like a redneck. Isn't Becca from Minnesota? Why does Ross have a Southern accent?

Ross went and knocked on Becca's hotel room door, and when she opened, she looked at him, then at the camera, then back at him. The look at the camera was pure "wtf?"

The Bachelor's Finale Will Be Spread Over Two Nights

"What are you doing here?" she said.

"I'm here to win you back," spoken like a true dingus.

"Ross, no," she said. She really was not happy to see him. She said "ugh" like 10 times. She wouldn't invite him in. Maybe he's a vampire. He certainly seems like an energy vampire. I've only known this dude for 10 minutes and I'm drained. He gave her a whole speech about how he wanted her back and how he came to Peru to ask her to marry him. She was embarrassed.

"It's like you live your life like you're in a movie," she said. "It's like you think this is gonna work out like The Notebook." Maybe he really is a nerd. What kind of grown man behaves like he's in a movie? Becca was obviously really sick and tired of this dude. He's obviously treated her badly and then tried to make up for it with over-the-top grand gestures like this before. She even said she knew he was going to do this. Finally he got the message and left.

"I feel like a fool for coming here," he said. He looked like a fool, too. Truly a dingus.

Becca went to talk to Arie and apologized for her ex's humiliating behavior. Arie thought maybe Becca's history with Ross would be a problem going forward. "My fear is that there's still some love there," he said. When he sees this episode, he will know there is not.

Fans on Twitter actually liked Ross, though. They thought he spiced up a boring episode. Imagine what he could do if he had a whole Bachelor season!

How about this: what if Arie doesn't choose Becca, she becomes the next Bachelorette, and Ross goes on the show as a contestant and tries to win her back that way? That's such a brilliantly terrible idea that The Bachelor should hire me as a producer.

The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.