Taylor Kitsch, former star of Friday Night Lights and current star of a brilliant Instagram account, is returning to HBO with a new project. According to Deadline, the actor, who appeared in the network's much maligned second season of True Detective, will now star and produce a new project from John Barcheski (Sons of Anarchy). And it sounds... well, it does not sound all that good. Let's just say that.
Here's the logline: "The untitled drama follows the story of Chris Klug (Kitsch), a young, family oriented drug dealer who catches the wrong end of a bad batch of dope that leaves him in a temporary vegetative state, only to discover that it was no accident and someone close to him was in fact trying to take him out. Told through flashbacks and Chris' present-day purgatory, the series is a rich family drama full of revenge, love and humor as Chris Klug fights his way back."
Naturally, I have some questions.
1. First of all: What kind of name is Chris Klug?
Chris Klug is an objectively terrible name. It's the sound a clogged sink makes. Chris Klug would never even make it through the first round of the Chris Wars because all the other Chrises would laugh at him. Maybe rethink the name, guys.
2. Why is he doing drugs in the first place?
It never ends well for drug dealers who dip into their own supply. It's also poor business practice. I have no facts to back this up, but I feel really strongly about this so it has to be true. And further more, what kind of drugs are these? I need more information.
3. What does it mean to be a family-oriented drug dealer?
Is he a family-oriented drug dealer the way Walter White was a family-oriented drug dealer? Does he spend his days taking his kids to the park and buying them ice cream cones but is dealing drugs at night? Or is family-oriented code for "but he's actually a really good guy?" because you know what, someone's trying to take him out. Why is that? Hm?
4. How the hell is this show full of love and humor?
This show sounds like the exact opposite of a show filled with love and humor!
5. Does Taylor Kitsch not remember the last drug project he did?
Because I do. I'm pretty sure I'm one of the seven people who actually saw Savages.
6. Is someone forcing Taylor Kitsch to do this?
Some folks may have given up on you by now, Taylor Kitsch, but not me. Never me. Blink twice if you're being held against your will.