How long has it been since a Supergirl episode wasn't at least partially wrapped up in whatever Mon-El (Chris Wood) was doing? Even when Jeremiah (Dean Cain) was reunited with his daughters after more than a decade of being separated from them, somehow that episode still was a lot about Mon-El. He's even made his way over to The Flash and attempted to eclipse their storylines.
Where's your lane, Mon-El? Find your lane. I think it's the one where you wear an apron and make Kara jump-out-of-bed excited about breakfast. Or your resurgent bromance with Winn. He did finally see Star Wars.
In all seriousness, it's exhausting trying to plumb the depths of his relationship with Kara (Melissa Benoist) especially when you haven't bought in yet and feel like those depths are still in the shallow end of the pool. I tried that for "Star-Crossed" and ended up having my thoughts mostly undone in less than 24 hours (on Noel Kirkpatrick's watch). Angles can be hard to find when just two dominate most of the screentime: Mon-El's antics and the thinly veiled political pleas of empathy to its audience. I need something else.
So let's talk about Mon-El's mom instead.
Queen Rhea (Teri Hatcher) has a few issues. Maybe she started off a little crazy, maybe she's been stricken with the dreaded "space madness" but it's clear that she did not come all this way to get her son only to see him happy and content where he is. No, my friend. Either you come back to Daxam or you die by the hand that holds these glow stick Ninja Turtle props.
It makes sense that they're sais, though. Like Raphael, Rhea does seem to be a bit rude, what with stabbing her husband Lar-Gand (Kevin Sorbo) and threatening to destroy the Earth that has so poisoned her son with empathy, dignity and a helpful spirit. It's very rude. That's not to say the show doesn't do a fair job at establishing where her space madness comes from. She did travel for years trying to find her lost son only for him to reject her so unceremoniously. And Earth is basically a planet that worships two Kryptonians, the jerks that laid waste to her planet for the unjust crime that it was in close proximity to their self-destruction. Cosmically it was probably because of the slavery but slavers usually don't see themselves as the problem.
Is this a good idea? Is Rhea descending to Earth for conquest and/or suffering a fight worth fighting? I would say no. This is a case of a person that was probably already half-crazy pushing the red button based on slights to pride, ego and a flawed interpretation of what human relationships are. See? Thinly veiled.
The ethical quandary isn't even in the top five of bad reasons to invade Earth, though. Here are some ways that a Daxamite invasion is ill-advised.
1. Guns. Just All the Guns.
I'm guessing the person Rhea wants to flay first is Kara zor-El and she lives in National City, which is in America. Now if there's something that's probably consistent across the multiverse, it's that the United States has a constitutional imperative (or at least a conventionally interpreted imperative) that we have all the guns in the world. Maybe we're a little zealous with how we use them. Maybe we could use a little more training before we start pulling triggers. But we have basically all of the guns. For a Kryptonian invasion, that wouldn't be a big deal. Ask any robber holding a sack with a dollar sign on it: bullets don't harm the Supers. But the Daxamite version of Kryptonite is lead. And we have so many ways to dole out lead.
Sure, they also have super jump and super strength powers that are increased by Earth's yellow sun. But you don't want to bring your mad ups to a gun fight. We've also all seen Raiders of the Lost Ark. Oh, speaking of which...
2. We've All Seen Independence Day and Star Wars
Winn wasn't just happy that Mon-El watched Star Wars because it means their love is real. It's probably also because that means he's embraced Earth as his true home. And, as the well-informed media consumers we are, we know that all we have to do to stop a giant warship coming to attack us is to sling something into its exhaust pipe, whether that's a proton torpedo or a drunk pilot. Maybe we shove a bunch of bananas up there Beverly Hills Cop-style.
We have a lot of movies where we stuff things into the butts of machines.
The point is that we can think outside the box and blow up your spot with just a nuke strapped to Randy Quaid.
3. Party Planet Meet Vegas
Here's the thing: We know all about you. We have your prince and he's with us. So we know your weaknesses. That means we're just going to funnel you guys to Vegas or to Biloxi or New Orleans or whatever happy fun-time place and basically distract you guys, take your money, and feel pretty good about it. How will we get your money? I'm guessing our craps tables or Mountain Dew vending machines will become more important to Daxamites than their weapons and body armor. Can you imagine that episode of Pawn Stars? How much do you think they'd get for those American Gladiators-style batons?
Daxam, if it means eliminating a threat to our way of life, we will immediately bring back MTV Spring Break and The Grind. Eric Nies is always at the ready to serve his country. Don't make us call Dan Cortese. He will rock-climb the heck out of you and then serve you some Burger King.
4. Our President Might Be Working with the Enemy (Or Might Be Your Biggest Enemy)
The president of the United States on Earth-38 (Lynda Carter) is an alien. I'm never quite sure what kind of alien she is, whether she's a White Martian or a female Dominator or something we've never seen before, but she definitely, through soundtrack and predatory features, looks like she's a baddie. Since she spent a good chunk of this episode demanding that J'onn not engage the Daxam ship, I'm not sure if she's friendly with Daxam and wanted the ship to be left alone or if she was afraid the ship was going to bring us unnecessary doom. I'm also not sure if this means it's a bad idea for Daxam or for Earth but that doesn't seem like a president I'd want to trifle with.
5. Cadmus, Man
If there was ever an opportunity for the bad guys to team up with the good guys, this is a perfect time for Project Cadmus to team up with the DEO to expel a super-powerful mama that's off her rocker. All the means of alien destruction at the disposal of Lillian Luthor (Brenda Strong) with the moral guidance of J'onn J'onzz (David Harewood) is going to be a force Rhea won't know how to deal with. I still think all the lead-dealing guns in the world would be enough to hold off the probably small Daxamite army (how many soldiers could possibly be on that ship?) but, if all else fails, why not just send Cyborg Superman up there to bring Rhea to justice? And then maybe Teri Hatcher and Dean Cain are in the same room together. Maybe they talk a little. Maybe it gets a little tense.
You know what? Come on down, Rhea. Let's just see how this plays out. IN A MONTH? That's a long hiatus, CW. See you April 24, I guess.
Supergirl airs Mondays at 8/7c on The CW.
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