Should you skip any of the last seven episodes of Suburgatory this season, be warned: you'll be missing a Clueless reunion, a kangaroo named Penuche (like the caramel), a step routine by Dallas' sorority sisters (she went to an all-black college), date night for Ryan and Tessa, The Situation...
Look, it's probably best if you just don't schedule anything on Wednesdays at 8:30/7:30c from now until Mother's Day. Trust us. And trust Suburgatory boss Emily Kapnek, who was in a giving mood when she spoke about everything yet to come. The 13 biggest spoilers:
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1. George and Dallas will make out. With other people. (Sorry!) The question is: Who gets jealous? Well, first...
2. Dallas will rebound with Wilmer Valderrama. The sexy new age guru will be teaching newly single Dallas (Cheryl Hines) how they kiss in his country — and George (Jeremy Sisto) won't like it. "He cries over how irritated he is watching them go at it," Kapnek says. "It's a game-changer in that you really start to see George realize some of his feelings for Dallas. As in, OK George, if there's nothing there, why is it getting under your skin?"
3. But then,
Cher and Elton Eden and George get hot and heavy!.Alicia Silverstone's Eden, who appears in the last four episodes of the season, comes to Chatswin to work on a very special, very important job for Noah (Alan Tudyk). George will fall for her fast and hard — so hard he'll want to make sure Tessa (Jane Levy) and Eden bond quickly. But Dallas warns against it. "She says, 'You know, George, lovers come and go and until you're really serious about someone, it's better that you don't introduce them to your kids.' And George is like, 'Yeah, you know what? I think I'm really serious about her!'" Kapnek says. "Oh, the crumpled look on Dallas' little face... heartbreaking!"
4. Don't worry: Clueless won't be ignored. As if! Kapnek will tip her hat to fans of Amy Heckerling's 1995 comedy in more than a few fun ways — none of which she's willing to give up — and she's actively looking to add more. "If there's a cool cover version of 'Rollin' With My Homies,' maybe we work that in."
5. Sparks finally fly for...Malik and Lisa. We knew it ever since they did The Robot together. Aww! And romance will more than bloom for the kooky twosome. "You'll see a hint of it — no, no, it's pretty blatant," Kapnek says. "They sort of become fascinated with each other." And that leaves Tessa left feeling like a third wheel, so...
6. Ryan will make another play for Tessa. Lisa and Malik will try and groom Evan as a potential suitor for Tessa. (Remember him? Tessa serenaded Mr. Perfect PSATs during her brief run for student council president, and he's been pining away ever since.) But Ryan will be the one to rescue her from spinsterhood. "You certainly understand why Tessa doesn't want to be with Ryan, you certainly understand she's too smart for him, but they have such cute chemistry, and she caves." In exchange for taking her out, however, Ryan will asked to be repaid in a very, er, unusual way.
7. The Situation pops in...to DJ the school dance. How positively PG! The Jersey Shore star's guest appearance as himself is more of a smush-free cameo, Kapnek tells us. "Gosh, I don't want to even spoil it because there's really only one joke." (Dalia makes it, natch.) Fun fact: Kapnek says Sorrentino travels with a doppelganger in his entourage but arrived to the set sans ego. "He was extremely sweet and super personable and we all slept with him," she says. (She's kidding.)
8. Dallas will suffer from depression. She doesn't quite get it either, but George does. "George understands because he went through a divorce. He's like, 'Of course! You're depressed! It comes with the territory,'" Kapnek says. "But it completely baffles Dallas. She's like, 'What does that mean, depressed? Do I have to buy a whole new depression wardrobe?'"
9. Dallas' sorority sisters will "step" in. You already knew she went to an all-black college, right? Now, we get to meet the sisters, who are called in to help cheer up the blue, post-divorce Dallas. Expect a step routine in the Royce foyer — and old rivalries to reignite. Robin Givens plays Dallas' old college frenemy, Tulsa.
10. Tessa goes to work for Dallas. And suddenly, Tessa's getting her nails done and playing dress up. Expect George to freak out. Eden doesn't like it either...
11. Dalia goes to therapy and gets a kangaroo. Between her mom's new store, Yukult and Tessa, Dalia (Carly Chaikin) is going to be plenty irritated, and heads to therapy to vent. Noah will also get an earful of her woes — so he buys her a kanga named Penuche. "The kangaroo is sort of Noah's brainchild, his attempt to pacify Dalia," Kapnek says. "It literally hops into the living room and Dallas is like, 'Are you f---ing kidding me?'" Watch out, Yukult, Penuche is also a recurring guest star, Kapnek says. (Yes, seriously. He's signed on for two to three episodes.)
12. Steve's really out of the picture. Steve (Jay Mohr) is not coming back — not this season anyway. "[I] love the idea that Steven is out there. It's a very interesting thing when you have this other parent somewhere, this loose thread that can surface and cause complications," Kapnek said. "It's nice to have that possibility to go to later on."
13. Tessa still wants out of the 'burbs. Mom to the rescue? By the time Mother's Day rolls around, Tessa will still be looking for a way back to her old life. At the same time, George will reach out to Tessa's grandma (Miriam Flynn), who's hasn't seen Tessa since she was a baby. "You get a little bit of perspective from someone else's point of view about what happened to his marriage," Kapnek says. It's not clear yet if Tessa and grams will meet up, but something new will occur to Tessa. "At the end of the season finale, there's an idea set in motion: a road that leads to mom. That's a can of worms we want to open," Kapnek says. Look for George's ex to debut in Season 2.
Suburgatory airs Wednesdays at 8:30/7:30c on ABC. What are you most excited to see?