The late-night funnymen announced Thursday plans to host opposing rallies -- Stewart's "Rally to Restore Sanity" and Colbert's "March to Keep Fear Alive" -- in Washington, D.C. on Oct. 30.
Appealing to the 70 to 80 percent of Americans who aren't extremists and don't have time to protest because they "have s--- to do," Stewart said his gathering will spread the timeless message of "Take It Down a Notch for America."
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And if you're too busy to create some signage for the occasion, don't worry. Stewart will supply signs with such slogans as "I Disagree With You But I'm Pretty Sure You're Not Hitler" and "Legalize Pot."
Meanwhile, Colbert will host a rebuttal rally at the same location, calling for "all freedom-loving patriots" to challenge the "dark, optimistic forces" of The Daily Show.
"Damn your reasonableness!" Colbert said. "Now is not the time to take it down a notch. Now is the time for all good men to freak out for freedom!"