Question: Do you hate Smallville, is that why you're ignoring the show? Or do you hate me?

Answer: If those are my only two choices, I'm gonna have to go with hating you. Now simmer yourself before I slap the hysterical out of you, 'cause I've got some major Smallville prattle. My super-moles just dropped a treasure trove of intel related to the Sept. 27 season premiere on my desk, and here are the highlights:

* By the middle of the premiere, one woman will be officially pronounced dead.

* Lex will find himself in a watery situation that harkens back to the original pilot... only this time, it's another alien saving his life.

* Those folks who hated Jimmy will be happy to see that he grows a major spine and sucker-punches a certain Young Man of Steel.

* Bizarro Clark will get his hands on Lois... and she'll kind of like it.

* Expect massive effects after a dam burst brings out Clark's, um, hottest power.

* By the end of the episode, the new girl in town will be ready for her close-up.