Seven Silly Questions for Kermit the Frog

In a showbiz career that spans a quarter of a century and includes television (The Muppet Show), film (The Muppet Movie) and theater (Muppets on Ice), Kermit the Frog has never given a performance that was less than, uh, ribbeting. Now, at last, the consummate professional is being given his due: Come fall, the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce will award him a star on the Walk of Fame, and almost as exciting, today TV Guide Online is asking him seven questions that are so silly, they just might get us hired as a gag writer for his pal Fozzie Bear.

TV Guide Online: Congratulations on your star. But tell the truth — aren't you relieved that receiving the honor won't involve making webbed handprints in cement?
Kermit the Frog: I'm thrilled about being the first amphibian to be honored on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Frogs aren't usually that comfortable being so close to a busy road, but in this case, I'll make an exception. As for putting my webbed handprints in cement, I wouldn't mind that... as long as they don't use quicksand.

TVGO: The straight-to-video biopic Kermit's Swamp Years (out Sept. 7) tells your life story. What parts of your past were you a, ahem, tad nervous about revealing?
Kermit: This is my true story — warts and all. There aren't any outrageous scandals to reveal. I guess that's why E!'s True Hollywood Story and VH1's Behind the Music decided not to air it. But you will see how I rose out of the muck, survived on a diet of insects and grubs, then dropped tail and headed out into the great big world outside the swamp.

TVGO: Working on your NBC holiday special must be making you pretty nostalgic, too. What was the best gift you ever received back when you were just a wee pollywog?
Kermit: We're having a lot of fun making A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie. Every day is like Christmas, which basically means that every day Miss Piggy insists on getting presents. It should be great — if we don't run out of presents. As for the best gift I ever got, that's easy: my first fly swatter. It's every young frog's favorite toy.

TVGO: In the music video for Weezer's "Keep Fishin'," Miss Piggy seems quite taken with drummer Pat Wilson. Heck, she even kidnaps the guy. Did that make you see green?
Kermit: See green? Oh, I get it. Funny. Are you the one who keeps sending Fozzie jokes?

TVGO: Flatterer. Seriously, didn't Piggy's infatuation with Pat make you the least bit jealous?
Kermit: No, I wasn't jealous of Pat. Sympathetic, sure. Been there, done that. Absolutely. But definitely not jealous!

TVGO: You and your fellow Muppets recently agreed to do a new series for Fox. Do you have a strategy in mind to keep the network from calling the show When Animal Attacks?
Kermit When Animal Attacks... another zinger for you. Are you positive you haven't been selling Fozzie material for his act?

TVGO: I should be so lucky. But about the new show...
Kermit: We're excited about it, but we don't yet have a name for it. I'm kind of partial to Ally McSqueal, but we'll have to see.

TVGO: Technical question here — if you're color-blind, can you still find the rainbow connection?
Kermit: Of course — just follow me. If you end up at a pot of gold, that just means you followed the wrong little green man.

TVGO: Finally, let's get a little personal. Have you ever been in a fancy restaurant and had to say, "Excuse me, waiter, but there isn't a fly in my soup"?
Kermit: That settles it — you're stuff is perfect for Fozzie.

TVGO: Surely you jest... right?
Kermit: I'll call Fozzie's joke writer Gags Beasley to see if he needs some new material.