Our top moments of the week:
10. Worst Host: Utopia is the insane lovechild of every terrible reality show trope imaginable and it's made all the more aggravating with its host/narrator Dan Piraro parked outside the barn. Not only does Piraro not add anything to the proceedings, but his weird, mustachioed, old-timey hipster look makes it seem like he got lost on the way to Whole Foods.
9. Best Revelation: As part of dare week on The Talk, Sara Gilbert is forced to face her fear of getting hurt or injured. To do so, she is dared to have a cinder block broken on her stomach. But after all the prep and buildup, Sara disappoints the audience when she tearfully announces she's backing out. "I actually can't do the dare because I'm pregnant," she reveals as her four co-hosts leap from their chairs and start screaming and crying. This might be the first time these ladies are speechless!
8. Best Happily Ever After, Part I: On the Married at First Sight finale, the three couples have to make a decision as to whether or not they want to remain married or get divorced. Although Monet and Vaughn opt to go their separate ways (not surprising), we actually tear up when both Jason and Cortney, and Jamie and Doug decide to stay married. While only time will tell if they last — six months after filming, both couples are still going strong — we can't help but root for them.
7. Worst Twist: This entire week of Big Brother proves to be a massive waste of time. As we knew they would, the houseguests press the Big Gold Button, unknowingly forcing them to redo the entire week starting from the HOH competition that Frankie initially won. But the Big Brother rewind does come with one other huge twist: This time around, Victoria isn't bombing the comp! Could she possibly defy the odds and become HOH? We'd support anything that wouldn't subject us to another week of Frankie's reign of terror.
6. Best Happily Ever After (for Now), Part II: Bachelor in Paradise wraps up its first season with four cast members finding the ultimate prize: love! After Michelle and Cody decide to stay together and test their romance in the real world, Marcus makes an even bigger declaration by getting down on one knee and popping the question to Lacy (with a big, fat Neil Lane sparkler). Now let's see if they actually make it to the altar.
5. Worst Hair-raiser: We've forgiven America's Next Top Model for teaching us the words smize, tooch and pot ledom, but this week Tyra goes too far. For the show's infamous makeover week, Tyra forces one of the poor male contestants to glue a wig to his face under the guise of it being a "beard weave." While it's definitively not a weave, since it isn't woven into anything, it's also barely a beard. It's just a fake fringe thing ... on a face. As fake as that horrid Saved by the Bell movie. Realizing her error, Tyra then claims the "beard" isn't the right shape, so they're giving him a do-over. It's OK to admit you made a mistake, Ty, and let's just relegate these "lacefronts" to the same black hole as those deadly, impossibly high heels.
4. Best Ending: The Leftovers finale finally offers a little bit of hope. When the town of Mapleton literally goes up in flames (the townspeople set fire to the Guilty Remnant's houses after they display Living Dolls in place of all the people who were taken in the Departure), Nora decides to leave town (or worse, kill herself) because the G.R. has reminded her of her pain. However, when she goes to deliver her goodbye letter to Kevin, she finds a baby (the one belonging to Christine and Holy Wayne) on Kevin's front porch, just as Kevin and Jill arrive home. Nora's troubles seem to melt away and she even cracks a smile. Is this the new Garvey family?
3. Most Breathtaking Cliff-hanger: Graceland closes it out its roller coaster of a second season with a deadly twist. Angry over being lied to about human trafficking victim Lena, Paige tells Sid, the corrupt cop who's after Mike, what alias Mike is using at the hospital. In the final moments of the episode, Sid sneaks into Mike's room and closes off his air supply. As Mike struggles to breathe, Sid tells him how he's going to kill everyone else in the Graceland house. "Maybe you'll meet them at the pearly gates," he says as Mike's eyes widen and then appear to lose all signs of life. Briggs runs into the room right after Sid exits, just in time to find an unresponsive Mike flatlining. Uh, did that really just happen?!
2. Best Payback: Sons of Anarchy's Jax wastes little time getting his revenge for Tara's death. Unfortunately, he takes his vengeance on the wrong person. Once Gemma suggests that the Chinese were responsible for Tara's murder, Jax kidnaps one of Lin's guys, ties him up and begins a slow torture that involves rubbing salt in his wounds. But for the grand finale, Jax recreates the blow that killed Tara and jabs a huge carving fork into his head. Now that everyone's even, can we dispense with murder by grilling tools?
1. Best Takedown: Leave it to Jon Stewart to take the NFL — aka "The League of Exculpatory Gentlemen" — to task for its complete fumbling of the Ray Rice scandal. After recapping the whole controversy, including Rice's initial two-game suspension ("a two-game slap, one for each wrist"), the Daily Show host scathingly indicts NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell for claiming not to have received or seen the violent elevator video prior to its leak on Monday, when now we know that's not the case. "So you had the tape and you want us to believe that you did not look at it. Well, I think we're all pretty aware of the NFL's obsessive-compulsive tape-watching addictions," Stewart says. "For God sakes, you get 24 angles in high-res slow-motion just to see whether or not a man's knee goes over an imaginary line before his hand crosses a different imaginary line." Or, in short: "You done f---ed up."
What were your top moments?