Our top moments of the week:
11. Second Most Egg-cellent Entrance: Mocking Lady Gaga's Grammys egg arrival, Conan O'Brien opens his talk show by busting out of an Egg Beaters carton. "That's my entrance with zero cholesterol," he says. Now, dare he wear a condom-inspired outfit as well?
10. Not a Fame Monster Award: But not everyone goes gaga for Lady Gaga. On 60 Minutes, the pop star tries to show Anderson Cooper her old New York City studio apartment, but the current tenant declines. "I'd rather not have any cameras," she says. Maybe she doesn't like the papa-papa-razzi?
9. Best Kept Secret Identity: On Criminal Minds, Tsia, Prentiss' old Interpol colleague, tries to reassure her that she's not in danger even though their nemesis, Ian Doyle, is on the loose (and most likely left that flower outside her apartment last week). "Lauren Reynolds is dead," Tsia says, revealing Prentiss' old undercover identity. "Who's Lauren Reynolds?" an eavesdropping Reid asks. That's what we'd like to know too.
8. Smelliest Act of Desperation: On Desperate Housewives, Lynette can't help but be a little happy when her mother's obnoxious, racist, new husband suddenly croaks on her couch. She is, however, less than overjoyed when her mom forces her to keep the dead body on the couch overnight so his new will can go into effect and she can get access to his fortune. Here's hoping the top item on Grandma's shopping list is a new couch.
7. Best Blink-and-You-Missed-It Diss: Two and a Half Men creator and executive producer Chuck Lorre gives Charlie Sheen a fitting parting shot at the end of the sitcom's last new episode before the actor started rehab. In his Chuck Lorre Productions vanity card of the week, Lorre lists his extensive health regimen (regular exercise, colonoscopies, no sex with strangers) and says, "If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed." We wonder how things are going to be the first day back on set.
6. Saddest Last Stand: Twenty-five years after opening the case about Vanessa Harding's disappearance, ADA Sonya Paxton finally gets her man on Law & Order: SVU. Unfortunately, it's during her last moments of life — after the perp has put a knife to her jugular. Bleeding out on the floor of the bathroom at an AA meeting, she gasps for her last breath as she triumphantly tells Benson she got him.
5. Coolest Judges: "C" is for cookie and the coolest judges ever. Sesame Street's Telly, Cookie Monster and Elmo drop by Top Chef: All-Stars to judge a cookie Quickfire, during which they give the most adorably honest critiques, all the while bringing the funny. Case in point: After Telly says Antonia's gigantic dark chocolate cookie isn't "the prettiest cookie I've ever seen," Elmo tells it like it is: "It looked like cow chips."
4. Most Out of Character: On The Bachelor, Brad finally wises up and sends Michelle home. After weeks of yapping about the other girls and even sneaking into Brad's room at night, we expected to hear a verbal smackdown from her. Instead, the hair stylist is shockingly silent for the first time all season as she makes her exit. Silence is golden, right?
3. Most in Need of a Geography Lesson: On Jeopardy!, supercomputer Watson emerges victorious over its human rivals, but the IBM creation makes a pretty big blunder on a rather elementary detail. Responding to a question under "U.S. Cities," it guesses, "What is Toronto?????" In Watson's defense, there are little-known Torontos in Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Missouri, Ohio, and South Dakota. But maybe Watson's boo-boo means machines won't dominate humanity... yet?
2. Best Failed Alliance: Despite his former career as a federal agent, Phillip has no qualms about leaking all of his alliance's secrets in Survivor: Redemption Island's first Tribal Council. Without prompting, Phillip blurts out that Francesca and Kristina were planning to vote Rob out and that Kristina already found the hidden Immunity Idol, which gets Francesca voted out. Now if we could only get him to be less revealing with his wardrobe — those fuchsia briefs are really TMI.
1. Hottest Sneak Attack: Kalinda and Blake act on a season's worth of sexual tension and professional rivalry into a hot-and-heavy game of Strip Truth or Dare? on The Good Wife. As they're taking off their clothes, Blake finally reveals his secret link to Will and the real reason he's at Lockhart, Gardner and Bond. But just as Kalinda seems ready to share one piece of private intel and take their rivalry to the bedroom, she slams him in the ribs with the infamous baseball bat she used to wreck his car. Gasping for breath, he then admits he found her heretofore-unknown husband. Next to her "boots of justice," Kalinda's baseball bat is definitely becoming our favorite accessory.
What were your top moments this week?