Our top moments of the week:
13. Lamest Return: Chad Michael Murray makes his much-anticipated return to One Tree Hill when Lucas comes to town to pick up his niece and nephew for a vacation to distract them from their dad Nathan's abduction and... well, that's it. Not only do all of Murray's scenes take place in the airport, but would Lucas Scott really come to Tree Hill after two years away and not see his other friends? We're glad Murray came back for the show's final season, but our imagination of how Lucas, Peyton and Sawyer are was much more exciting than reality.
12. Most Outrageous Reveal: After surviving their river plunge on Castle, Beckett and Castle re-team with his former muse, CIA agent Sophia (guest star Jennifer Beals), to figure out that a mole in the CIA has planned to kill the daughter of a Chinese kingmaker — a death that would trigger World War III (yeah, just go with it). As they arrive at the building to stop the assassination, Sophia and her cohort push the two into an empty room, where she reveals herself to be the mole and a sleeper KGB agent. "This was never my country," Sophia says in laughable Russian just before her No. 2 — whom she framed as the mole — predictably shoots her dead. The whole plot is completely ridiculous, but the one good thing to come out of it? Just before she's killed, Sophia hints that Castle's mysterious dad may have been in the CIA.
11. Parents Just Don't Understand Award: On The Bachelor, Ben visits the ladies' hometowns. When he arrives in Tennessee to meet Kacie's conservative parents, she immediately warns Ben, a winemaker, that her dad doesn't drink, but that doesn't stop him from bringing a bottle of wine as a gift anyway. (Way to listen!) The clashing of cultures continues when Kacie's dad makes it clear to Ben that he won't approve of a proposal and that Kacie's mom would be disappointed if the two lived together before marriage. "Don't rush into anything. I don't want to see anybody get hurt," he tells Ben. "If Kacie is not the one, I would hope that that would be communicated to her very soon to prevent her from getting hurt anymore." Turns out Kacie is not the one, so Ben sends her home — but not before she yells some profanities from the limo. Wonder if her parents would approve of that?
10. Most Obvious Bias: As part of Top Chef's Fire & Ice challenge, Sarah makes a frozen mousse that is supposed to melt into a sauce, but it winds up too icy and almost inedible. She's a total goner, right? Nope! Tom Colicchio, who's championed Sarah all season, excuses the mishap as "not her fault" and she books a place in the final two. Um, if it isn't her fault that it became ice-hard, then whose is it? And how do you overlook a component that failed to serve its purpose? Hell has frozen over.
9. Funniest Case of Nerves: Just before he meets with the judges to learn his fate on American Idol — he made it into the Top 24, by the way — a visibly shaken Heejun Han takes one of Ryan Seacrest's questions the wrong way. When the host asks, "What are you sweating?" — as in "What are you worried about?" — Heejan doesn't miss a beat and answers, "Mostly water," before Seacrest tells him what he really meant. What else, besides water, is Heejun sweating exactly? Do we even want to know?
8. Creepiest Ex Factor: Orson returns to help Bree put her life back together on Desperate Housewives, but it is slowly revealed that her ex-husband is not the white knight he appears to be. When Bree inquires about Orson's newfound confidence, he says it came from learning how to drive again after his paralyzing accident. Orson is then shown in flashbacks stalking Bree from behind the wheel — including when she and the girls buried Alejandro's body. The worst part? We learn that Orson is the one who sent Bree those disturbing I Know What You Did Last Summer notes. We think we liked Orson better as a kleptomaniac, and we didn't like him as a kleptomaniac.
7. Best Lady Macbeth Impression: On The Walking Dead, Lori decides that perhaps the best way to deal with Shane (who's become erratic and dangerous, all the while professing his love to Lori) is to take him out for good. Cue an intimate scene between Lori and hubby Rick, where she tells him how scared she is of loose-cannon Shane. The icing on the cake: Lori says Shane believes Rick isn't fit to lead the group anymore. To borrow from another Shakespeare play: Doth the lady protest too much? From the seething look on Rick's face, he doesn't seem to think so.
6. Knowing When to Move On Award: Ted gets the green light from Barney to pursue Robin (again) on How I Met Your Mother, so he treats her to a date/trip down memory lane (blue French horn!). But just when it looks like déjà vu, Robin is not feeling it and tries to assuage the pain by reminding Ted of their "if we're single at 40" back-up plan. "I can't do that anymore," he says. "As long as the door is a little bit open, I have this feeling that I'll just be waiting around to see if I win the lottery. I think you know how you feel about me now." Crestfallen, Ted tells Marshall that he knows that he and Robin are better off as friends, sending Marshall to tell Robin something he knows his best friend can't: "You gotta move out." So... can we meet the mother now? (Bonus moment: Did you catch Conan O'Brien lumbering around MacLaren's?)
5. Most Heartbreaking Delivery: She took her into her home. She gave her food. She helped her study. But months of Julia's hoping, wishing, praying and hard work convincing Zoe to let her and Joel adopt Zoe's unborn child on Parenthood fall apart when Julia goes to the hospital to pick up her new son — only to find Zoe in the nursery cradling the baby in her arms. No words are exchanged between the two, but when Zoe sees Julia, she starts crying and holds the baby closer, and it is immediately clear with whom the baby is going home. Maybe Zoe is just saying goodbye? Sigh. Just pass the tissues already.
4. The Blind Side Award: We've seen a footrace, an ill-timed pee break and a lost passport during Amazing Race Pit Stops, but none will top the absurdity on the Season 20 premiere. With the final spot in the Top 10 on the line, sisters Misa and Maiya rally from last place and appear on their way to safety at the Pit Stop behind the building. But they inexplicably miss seeing Phil Keoghan — not to mention the Pit Stop greeter and the whole camera crew and production team — who are visibly standing 80 yards to their right. As they hysterically search the grounds, friends Joey "Fitness" and Danny check in. The girls chalk up their blunder to tunnel vision and, later, to not knowing what to look for. Uh, how about people?
3. Best Sexy Time Shenanigans: In an effort to spice up her sex life with hubby Lamar Odom, Khloe Kardashian decides to get a sex swing on the Season 2 premiere of Khloe & Lamar. Instead of calling in the pros, she installs the contraption herself, but sadly it is not built to last. Right as they're about to get it on, the swing breaks, dropping them on to the bed. "I guess I didn't install it right," Khloe laughs. "I couldn't even rock!" Lamar laments. Our biggest question: Why were they letting cameras film them having sex? Oh, wait. Never mind.
2. Best Twist: After years of watching Will Gardner cut corners on The Good Wife, most fans assumed he had narrowly escaped conviction once again when he was not indicted for judicial bribery. Wrong! Instead, Will's 15-year-old, $45,000 loan from a client resurfaces and, rather than face possibly losing his law license forever, he chooses a six-month suspension from being a lawyer or going near his firm. Judging from the baseball bat in his hand as he walks out the door, apparently he's going to use some of that time to work on his swing?
1. Worst Twist: Rachel and Finn decide to get married on Glee, but Rachel insists on holding up their civil ceremony to wait for her very belated bridesmaid Quinn. Five minutes before City Hall's closing time, Rachel urgently texts Quinn to get there now. While driving, Quinn texts that she's on her way just as a huge truck is about to plow into her car — and the scene fades to black. (Don't text and drive, kids!) And here we thought the pink hair would be her low point this season.
What were your top moments?