Our top moments of the week:
15. Best Verbal Volley:
Looks like Jon Cryer's "lame side-kik" has had enough. After joking on Jimmy Kimmel Live that he's trying to "skew towards" Charlie Sheen's antics when he was fired from Two and a Half Men, a fed-up Ashton Kutcher makes a "public plea" to his trash-talking sitcom predecessor. "Dude, shut the f--- up!" Kutcher says. "Seriously. Like, enough already. It's, like, three years later and you're still blowing me up on Twitter. C'mon, dude. Really?" Sheen has apologized, but not without one more threat, naturally.
14. Worst Secret:
What's JJ and Cruz's big secret on Criminal Minds? Via flashbacks, we learn that JJ found out that she was pregnant while they were on a mission in Afghanistan in 2011 and told Cruz. She is never able to share the happy news with her husband Will though, as she loses the baby after their car comes under attack — news that Cruz had to break to her. Neither tells another soul until now, when JJ finally reveals the miscarriage to Will. "No more secrets," she says. Wonder how he feels about another guy knowing such intimate details about wife.
13. Best Promotion: It's official: Ellie Bishop formally joins the NCISteam, but only after she's nearly killed by terrorist Benham Parsa. It turns out that Ellie had more of a personal connection to Parsa than she previously told Gibbs, but her ability to identify with and understand Parsa's psychological motivations prove to her new boss that she's worthy of a permanent position within NCIS. And, bonus: Parsa is dead!
12. Best Change of Heart: Sara's latest return to Starling City on Arrow unearths a long-held secret when Nyssa al Ghul shows up to bring her back to the League of Assassins: The two used to be lovers. Still, that doesn't stop Sara from attempting to take her own life over going back to Ra's al Ghul. Fortunately, Oliver is able to revive her and the two share a steamy love scene after Nyssa releases her from the League. Now that's what we call a celebration.
11. Worst Welcome Back from Prison: Talk about a lackluster homecoming. When Lamar Wyatt is released from prison on Nashville, he's disowned by his daughter Rayna, who has learned that he played a role in her mother's death years ago. Then, he's threatened by his former son-in-law Teddy, who accuses Lamar of orchestrating the assassination attempt on Teddy that resulted in the death of his wife Peggy. Worst of all? In the midst of his confrontation with Teddy, Lamar has a heart attack and collapses on the floor. Is he really dead? Viewers will have to wait until the show returns later this month to find out. But either way, it seems as though Lamar's misdeeds have finally caught up with him.
10. Worst Split Decision: In an attempt to track down Clairvoyant by getting their hands on Quinn, the Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. team ends up splitting up, and Skye subsequently puts herself in the line of fire to help Agent Coulson get answers. But after Quinn essentially turns Mike Peterson into the cyborg Deathlok, he shoots Skye and leaves her for dead. Thank goodness there is a hyperbaric chamber lying around!
9. Best Surprise Cameo: Brooklyn Nine-Nine calls in the big guns, aka Andy Samberg's former movie dad Adam Sandler, for its post-Super Bowl episode. Jake and Amy must take over an antiquities auction in order to catch a hotel thief. However, Jake's auctioneer skills are not exactly up to speed and Sandler, playing himself, isn't afraid to tell Jake that he doesn't know what he's doing. Sandler soon takes the stage to air his disgruntlement and starts to auction off him sticking his socks in Jake's mouth, which NFL legend Joe Theisman bids $1,300 for. Money well (almost) spent.
8. Most Unpredictable Assassin: Sherlock Holmes almost gets whiplash from his violent double take when he stumbles upon a mysterious person holding blackmailer Charles Augustus Magnussen at gunpoint in the Sherlock finale. The black-clad killer is none other than Mary, the sweet-natured bride of Sherlock's pal John Watson. Mary has had a very checkered past as an assassin, and she'll stop at nothing -- not even shooting Sherlock -- to keep that secret from her new husband. The game is afoot!
7. Best Worst Reveal: After a season of cheating, lies and a lot of drunken fights, Vanderpump Rulesculminates with Kristen admitting to sleeping with her best friend Stassi's ex-boyfriend Jax. While Stassi is in shock that Kristen finally came clean, Kristen's boyfriend Tom takes his anger out on Jax, who maintains that he had not one iota of remorse. In the end, Tom punches Jax — during Scheanna's engagement party at SUR — leaving a bloody Jax to yell to Kristen, "You came twice, sweetheart."
6. Best (Not) Surprise Cameo: Everyone knew Prince was popping up on New Girl's post-Super Bowl episode, but how he shows up catches viewers, as well as Jess and Nick, off-guard. After Nick accidentally blurts out that he loves Jess, and she doesn't say it back, the two step outside at Prince's party to talk. They are stunned into silence when Prince suddenly appears, introduces himself and asks them what the problem is. "How rude of me, I haven't given you enough time to freak out yet. You may do so now," he tells them. And so Jess frantically waves her hands around, while Nick makes an obnoxious seal-like noise before passing out. Now would be a great time for Prince to break into "Delirious," no?
5. Best Goodbye: If Jay Leno didn't feel it the first time, he definitely did the second time. Promising that this exit is "for real," the comedian ends his 22-year run on The Tonight Show with a heartfelt speech. "Boy, this is the hard part," Leno says, fighting back tears. "I want to thank you the audience. You folks have just been incredibly loyal. This is tricky. We wouldn't be on the air. Secondly, this has been the greatest 22 years of my life." Leno notes that his parents and brother died early during his tenure. "After that I was pretty much out of family; the folks here became my family," he says. Of course, he couldn't bid adieu without at least one crack. "You're very kind," he tells the audience. "I don't like goodbyes. NBC does."
4. Most Shocking Scare: Ever since she was kidnapped and held hostage at the beginning of this season of Law & Order: SVU, Det., ahem, Sgt. Olivia Benson has suffered from PTSD and all kinds of nightmares about her vicious attacker, William Lewis. However, in Wednesday's episode, Olivia has a dream about Lewis holding not a weapon, but a metronome as he tells her, "Tick-tock, Olivia." Cut to Olivia at the drugstore buying a pregnancy test. She's not pregnant, but this isn't Olivia's first brush with possible motherhood and we have a feeling it won't be her last.
3. Best Twist: Poor Ryan Hardy can't catch a break in the romance department. Lily Grey, a supposed victim of Joe Carroll's acolytes who was looking like she'd turn into Ryan's new love interest on The Following, is revealed to be not only a Follower of Carroll's herself, but essentially the ringleader of Carroll's new cell in New York City. An added twist? The art gallery owner is the mother of demented twins Mark and Luke — two of her alleged subway "attackers" from the season premiere.
2. Worst Loser: The Biggest Loser finalists' weight losses are always a sight to behold, but none more so than that of Season 15 champ Rachel Frederickson — and not entirely for the right reasons. The former competitive swimmer shocks viewers when she debuts a bone-thin frame on the live finale, having dropped from 260 pounds to 105. Frederickson has since been staunchly defending her new figure and health, but the appalled looks on trainers Jillian Michaels' and Bob Harper's faces say it all.
1. Worst Morning After: On The Bachelor, Clare, despite having already received a rose on the group date, visits Juan Pablo's room in the middle of the night and the two go for a very suggestive (or at least suggestively edited) late-night swim. But at the cocktail party, Juan Pablo changes his tune, telling Clare that it was a "mistake to do that" (you know, "the daughter-at-home" excuse again) and slut-shames the girl. For the record, Clare says they did not have sex.
What were your top moments?