10:35: Stephen Colbert joins Jon Stewart on stage with a leaf blower. Ah, another bit about the "green" Emmys. The leaf blower, Colbert says, runs on "Al Gore's tears. He's a crybaby." 10:37: Colbert accuses Stewart of flying to L.A. in his "private jet sandwich." Eesh. They're trying too hard. Where's Bruce Vilanch when you need him? I mean, I love me some Stewart and Colbert, but this feels forced.

10:39: Kyra Sedgwick clearly agrees with me. She's smiling so hard, I feel her pain. 10:40: Ricky Gervais wins Lead Actor, Comedy. "Ricky couldn't be here tonight, so instead we're going to give this to our friend Steve Carell," Stewart says. See? Right there, that was funnier than the whole leaf blower bit. Especially when Carell runs on stage. 10:40:30: Felicity Huffman is presenting with House. God, those Housewives really do hate each other, don't they? 10:41: Sally Field wins Lead Actress, Drama. Terrified of the Muzak, Sally is talking faster than a teenager after a double latte. The voice in my brain, also known as TV Guide's Michelle Heller, is excited about Sally winning, so I am, too. Plus, my roommate is always telling me Brothers & Sisters is the kinda show I'd love. 10:42: Uh-oh. Sally's screaming now. She's lost her train of thought and is just saying "war" over and over. Oh, those bastards! They mute her just as she's remembering what she was going to say - that war is bad and if mothers ruled the world, there would be no war. 10:43: Now they're trying to distract us with the dead-people montage. But it isn't gonna work. Cutting off Sally Field is just plain un-American! 10:44: Aw, Lily Munster died. And Glenn Ford. He killed in Gilda. 10:45: Still going strong. Lotsa dead people this year. But I'm still mad about what they did to Sally. Wait, Peter Boyle died? Why didn't anybody tell me? 10:46: Aw, Jane Wyman. Damn. Their evil trick is working. I'm forgetting all about Sally's impassioned, scatterbrained speech. 10:46:30: Merv Griffin got the coveted last spot. All the other dead people must be, like, so jealous.