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Here Are Larry David's Birthday Rules, for His Own Birthday

Don't celebrate two weeks from now

Alexander Zalben

If you've ever watched an episode of HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm -- or show creator Larry David's previous opus to curmudgeonly behavior, Seinfeld -- you know David has rules about everything. So it's no surprise that Curb can provide some basic guidelines for how you should, and shouldn't treat David today.

That's because today is the comedy legend's 70th birthday. And yes, you can wish him Happy Birthday if you see him on the street... But as the second episode of Curb Season 4 (titled "Ben's Birthday Party," after guest star Ben Stiller) proved, there are a few things you don't want to do on the day of your (or David's) birth:

1. Don't sing "Happy Birthday."


Well, maybe you can sing it, but don't expect Larry to join you. "I feel self-conscious, uncomfortable singing it," David tells Stiller... Before later admitting that he thinks it's a stupid song. Okay, better to just not sing it.

2. Don't throw a party when it's not your birthday.


Because Stiller's wife was out of town, he ends up throwing his own birthday party two weeks after his birthday. Larry compares it to President's Day, which isn't even a President's birthday, it's just "on some other day." And once he gets the party, he can't help but share with the other partygoers.

"It's not really his birthday though, I have to say," David complains. "It was a couple weeks ago. You shouldn't be having a birthday party two weeks after your birthday. I mean, what's the statute of limitations there? Why don't I have my birthday? My birthday was two months ago."

Point being, if you see Larry tomorrow... Shhh.

3. If you say "no gifts," don't expect gifts.


The central conflict of the episode, insomuch as there's a central conflict on an episode of Curb versus a series of increasingly uncomfortable situations Larry causes/gets caught in, finds Stiller telling David that he doesn't need to bring a gift... Then getting mad when he doesn't bring a gift.

"Come on, that's bulls---," Stiller tells David, who sticks to the word of the law. Eventually, Larry relents and gets him "a nice sweatshirt," but really, the situation could have been avoided in the first place if the Zoolander star hadn't tried to be polite.

Curb Your Enthusiasm will return for a new season on HBO soon. You can watch "Ben's Birthday Party" now, on HBO Go.