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Kathy Griffin, whose Life on the D-List (Thursdays at 10 pm/ET, Bravo) wraps up its fourth season next week, lets her hair down and tells us what she really thinks about Denise, Heather and other tabloid targets. TV Guide: Despite your D-list/outsider status, you've now won an Emmy, a GLAAD Award and been profiled in the New York Times. Are you feeling triumphant?Kathy Griffin: Every time I get a laugh is a triumph, be it on TV, at a live show or at the supermarket. Oh, I forgot: I'm too famous now to go to the supermarket. Although that certainly hasn't stopped Britney Spears. TV Guide: Reality TV has made you a household name.Griffin: Totally. In the '90s [when Griffin appeared on Suddenly Susan], it was the era of the sitcom, and that's gone, b
TV Guide: Despite your D-list/outsider status, you've now won an Emmy, a GLAAD Award and been profiled in the New York Times. Are you feeling triumphant?
Kathy Griffin: Every time I get a laugh is a triumph,be it on TV, at a live show or at the supermarket. Oh, Iforgot: I'm too famous now to go to the supermarket.Although that certainly hasn't stopped Britney Spears.
TV Guide: Reality TV has made you a household name.
Griffin: Totally. In the '90s [when Griffin appeared onSuddenly Susan], it was the era of the sitcom, and that's gone, buh-bye. The minute I caught wind of that I thought, "I'm a cockroach and I gotta survive this holocaust," so I just immediately got into the reality thing. I love reality, but I really hate when people say about my show, "Oh, it was so obviously staged when she did this or that." Because, like, say, with my mom, we couldn't stage her if we [bleeping] wanted to — that crazy old drunk is gonna say whatever the hell she wants.
TV Guide: Think she minds being called a "crazy old drunk"?
Griffin: My poor familyis so beaten down by my act,they're just used to it. [Laughs]So my mom does this great thingwhere she tries to justify it bysaying [dramatic sigh], "Well, ifit'll help Kathleen's career, I guessI'll let her make those jokes."
TV Guide: I must say she holds her liquor well....
Griffin: She's 88 and she coulddrink you under the [bleeping]table! I'd love to see her in a shot contest with Amy Winehouse — she could school Amy in how to hold her booze.
TV Guide: As a self-confessed "publicity whore," what drives you?
Griffin: I have boundless ambition, because my mom used to alwayssay, "If you're not careful you're gonna have to live in yourcar and eat dog food." [Laughs] So part of me is always like,"Yeah — this could all go away tomorrow." I mean, to be a47-year-old female in this industry? I'm surprised I'm notplaying the great-grandmother on Two and a Half Men, whileCharlie Sheen gets laid by a [bleeping] Playmate every week.
TV Guide: What do you think of Denise Richards' show?
Griffin: Denise Richards can [bleep] my [bleep]! I film The D-List six days a week, 12 hours a day, six months of the year. We're on planes going from Missouri to Sydney to Bora-Bora, while I'm, like, performing in a maximum-security prison. But on her show, Denise Richards is trying to get her pig a mating partner? It's ridiculous! And when I saw she got the cover of TV Guide, I wanted to kill myself!
TV Guide: You work hard for the money! Like next week, D-List devotes the entire episode to your visit to the Walter Reed hospital.
Griffin: And I'm so proud of winning that battle with Bravo — theydidn't want to make it a whole episode. But I'd found thatthose guys at the hospital — the majority were amputees — justhave the sickest sense of humor and were so wanting to laughand use humor to get through their situation, because that'show they deal. So I said to Bravo, "Go [bleep] yourselves — I'm not doing Frontline here, you know. I'll still be makinga fool of myself and saying inappropriate things. But this'llbe a window into what happens to these people that you'renot gonna see on The [bleeping] Kardashians!"
TV Guide: Do you ever feel guilty about trashing other celebrities?
Griffin: Absolutelynot, because, what can I tell you?The last time I saw Anna NicoleSmith, she said "hi" to me. [Laughs]See, a few celebrities have a senseof humor, and when they're niceto me that's awesome. However,there is no get-out-of-jail-freecard with me. If they marry somebodythey know for two weeks,have sex with Ashlee Simpson orgo to rehab for, say, "depression,"they're back in the act.
TV Guide: Right. So let's talk about Heather Locklear.
Griffin: [Conspiratorially] Here's what I'm thinking, andmaybe it's evil, but if I could get myself admitted to thesame rehab facility she's in and be her roommate, I'm prettysure I could get some [bleeping] good material for my act.
TV Guide: You're shameless!
Griffin: Listen, I think Season 5 will just be called Bravo Tries to Kill Me. Because I believe that there is a conspiracy and it's headed by [my nemesis] Ryan Seacrest, Oprah Winfrey and Bravo. I believe those three forces are getting together and trying to kill me. And I don't care if that sounds paranoid, because if it does... then I'll get to go to rehab with Heather Locklear!
Watch clips of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List in our Online Video Guide.
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