InStyle Celebrity Weddings
Three things:
1. Nas and Kelis are the cutest couple ever! But Kelis takes the trophy for bravest bride. Girlfriend got married in a lettuce, lime and some other shade of green gown. Green! At least she was not trying to front with some shade of white.
2. After Kelly Limp did Real World: New Orleans, she stayed in NOLA to date a doctor. Flash-forward a year and she'd upgraded to a TV star. Of course they're not mentioning that in this wedding special (nor should they). But you know I'm thinking it — especially when Mr. Scott Party of Five Wolf says, "The moment when I saw Kelly, when the church doors opened, was the greatest moment of my life." Hey, don't hate the player. Appreciate her game.
3. No Star Jones didn't! Fifteen bridesmaids. A 27-foot train. Four ministers. Four! I'd heard her corporate-sponsored/partially subsidized nuptials were over the top, but dang. I don't even know what you do with four men of God. Does priest No. 1 say "Do you" then Reverend No. 2 says "take this" then Father No. 3 adds "woman to be" and Preacher No. 4 finishes up "lawfully wedded wife"?
"It's all about the O" sounds like a Cosmo headline to me. Not that it's naughty or anything.
I always thought these commercials were corny until my friend Hui Hwa told me her friend met her fianc&#233 on this site. Now I'm laughing not so much.

The Apprentice 3
Say it isn't so, Verna! Halfway through the episode, sistagirl's nit-picky antics had me clutching a pillow and rocking back and forth. Please don't let the black girl flip out. Please don't let the black girl trip. Please don't.... Aw, damn, she lost it!!! Why? Why! Seriously. Why? Verna's supposedly this accomplished marketing exec who heads multimillion-dollar projects. Yet she cracks under this tiny bit of pressure. Again I ask, Why? I mean, did she not see Omarosa become the mean bitch in Apprentice 1 and Stacie the crazy bitch in Apprentice 2. Now she'll be tagged the Weak One. Oh, Verna. This is not how you represent SBWs everywhere. (That's strong black women. Not single black women. Even though sometimes they are one and the same.)

While I'm on the subject, The Apprentice just might not be the show for women period. Kristen went off on Brian in front of the Net Worth team. She was right: He is a poor leader with sketchy decision-making skills. But her timing and tact left much to be desired. Then she had to go and openly argue with Audrey and Angie within earshot of the hotel guests. Ah, ladies. Must we be our own worst enemies?
On a random note: Am I the only one who thinks sometimes — as in not all of the time — street-smart John is kind of attractive in a Vince-Vaughn-in-Old-School kind of way. When Kristen started pointing fingers during her everybody-wants-Brian-fired rant I half expected him to yell, "Earmuffs!"

The O.C.
I hate to hit you guys with another list, but I hear this theme song and lose the ability to form concise thoughts. So here goes:
1. Apparently this is the week for legal eagles to get nostalgic. Yesterday Kevin Hill visited his old prof. And today Sandy's old law-school professor show up and asks him to "find Rebecca." And by Rebecca he means formerly young Miss Blume, the love of Sandy's life — you know, the woman who burned down a nuclear plant. (Oh, those wacky hippies.)
2. Seth and Zach boy bonding over the comic book that sounds like The O.C. "only with powers" was too cute. But, did Summer just say "What are you guys, like, cavalier and gay?"
(Note: Thanks to all the comic-book fans who tipped me off to Michael Chabon's Pulitzer prize-winning novel The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay.)
3. Alex gave the newly truant Marissa her ex-girlfriend's heart necklace. Yeah, that's subtle. Ding! We have officially entered Phase 2 of The O.C. meets The L Word.
4. OK. Lindsay girl, Daddy Caleb offered you an Ivy League education. I know you "don't want anything from him," but at least take that. Please! And, not to side with Daddy Dimmest or anything, but Ryan does need to quit meddling for just a second. Let the Cohens work out Cohen business. I'm just saying.
5. First Rebecca's dead. Then she's alive. Then she's at Sandy's door. Ooooh. Wait till Kirsten finds out.

The Exonerated
Court TV is trying to kill a girl with this adaptation of a Broadway play about the way too true stories of six people who were wrongly convicted for murder. Talk about the scariest thing ever: They were sent to death row! And I could totally see how it could happen. You're poor. Scared. Tired. Alone and looking for a way to make the evil police interrogations stop. So you say something stupid. Next thing you know, your court appointed attorney is blowing your case and you're spending 20 years of your life in the worse kind of living hell for something you didn't do. It happens all too often. Lord knows I love this country, but our judicial system is seriously [bleep!]ed up.

Point Pleasant
Grant Show's character Lucas is stealing this show. For real. Think about it: He reads minds. He telepathically makes things happen. And he's the devil's assistant, the watcher anti-Christina never wanted. It's kinda brilliant. In tonight's episode he dropped a few choice words and got the town tour guide to hilariously tell Point Pleasant's dirty little secrets. Next he pushed a glass off his caf&#233 table, and just as it hit the ground — crash! — Judy had a car accident. "Check, please," he said as Christina eyeballed revenge on the other driver. Ah, it was juicy! Then there's the whole thing of him telling Amber to "get all her emotional ducks in a row" so she can help him buy the town. "How can you have that face and those eyes and still make me sick to my stomach?" she asks. My answer: It's an evil gift.

First a copulating couple comes in stuck together at the pelvis... like dogs. Then this manic masturbator/hypersexed freak rubs himself raw. And Abby and her med student turn sticking a tube into a woman's side into yucky medical foreplay. (They are wrong for that.) Now I have seen everything. But, oh. Wait. No. No. No. Carter, watch out. He's going to shoot! Goodness gracious. You know when I said that thing about how they should switch up and not just have black and Latino kids die from gunshot wounds on this show? I didn't mean like this. Ah, man. This is the ugly side of a father's love. Dude killed himself so his daughter could have his one remaining kidney. Now how does he think that girl could live, knowing that? ER has lost its mind.

Ashlee Simpson
Note to Ashlee: If MTV has to blur out your ass crack, then your low-rider jeans are too damn low. [Cue: "You make me wanna la-la puke on the floor..."]

OK. Matador. One more time: Which finger represents the queen of spades? And why doesn't the dealer notice when you tap the table two times? I hate to be all special ed about this cheating thing, but I'm just a little confused.