Before the humans hatched out of the bunkers, apparently abbies lived in a veritable Eden, cuddling rabbits and admiring each other's muscle definition. Then Pilcher's helicopter came by one day, massacred a bunch of them for no apparently reason, and peace on earth was no more.
Back to current events: hot dictator Jason Higgins and wife Kerry lit 16 giant pillar candles and debated whether or not to have a baby. Jason was very in favor, Kerry was clearly on the fence, but considering 11-year-olds are getting funneled into procreation rooms I'm pretty shocked this is up for a debate. Be fruitful and multiply, guys, or at the very least blow out all the candles before you go to sleep. Seems like a fire hazard, and speaking of which, the abbies set the harvest fields ABLAZE.
Poor Theo, who was still reeling from finding out his wife Rebecca had another husband, was pulled out of his cozy drinking session to turn a bunch of candy stripers into battlefield surgeons and tend to the gaping abbie wounds as the Wayward Pines army went out to defend the town's only food source. The whole scene of Theo giving everyone the run down on how to handle the triage, and the torn apart soldiers coming in, was absolutely exceptional. Jason Patric gave me feelings with that whole speech about staying calm and getting through the night, and Shannyn Sossamon coming in with a collapsed lung and reacting to treatment was really transcendent. Like, I was worried until I remembered she was acting. Just amazing cinematography and let's hear it for whoever rigged up that arterial spray.
Just a truly cinematic battle and hospital scene and a hell of a thing for Theo to get through half-buzzed and butt-hurt about bigamy. After all that hell, it was time for a "talk" with Rebecca about her other marriage, and it did not go great.
We'd seen Xander turn to Rebecca for help getting his hands on some weapons during the abbie attack, and Theo had demanded to know when she found him in the bar if they'd tried to have a baby. She didn't have time to answer him, but it's been heavily implied she and Xander tried for and couldn't have a baby together, and this is a pretty sore subject in the Yedlins' own marriage, so we can only guess what will happen when he finds out. Though honestly, does Rebecca even WANT to be with Theo? The sparks are flying between her and candy man, who definitely caught some feelings during their forced marriage, and they've only got six weeks to live, so, no time for shilly-shallying people! Yes that's right, after burying half theWayward Pines army (which was only ever 40 people, LOL) we learned the crops had been destroyed and unless there was some dramatic solutions everyone in town would starve in four episodes. I mean six weeks.
Not only is the town running low on food, thanks to the insane number of casualties they're tearing through their antibiotics and medications and there's no means to produce more of them. Also, and perhaps most frighteningly, the way the abbies attacked them appeared to have been a co-ordinated attack. Wayward Pines at this point should probably just change it's name to Bummerville USA.
What was left of the army came by to pick up the weapon Xander had commandeered and when he hung a lantern on the fact they all wear brownshirts like the Nazis (get it? did you get in the first scene of the premiere? yeah me too) the sergeant snapped back with some facts about Xander: he's a former drug dealer and ne'er-do-well who was given a second chance at the future because of his "resourcefulness" but so far he's only used that resourcefulness to benefit himself. BURN!
Meanwhile, Ole Beardy creeped on into the room where Theresa was breathing her last breaths to hold her hand and apologize for that time he stole her life and the lives of her whole family and she was not appreciating it.
After this flicker of annoyance, Theresa remembered that moment she and Ethan brought Ben to a public park for his birthday with a cake and no plates or forks to eat it with, and she was gone. Touchingly, it was the same final image Ethan Burke had.
Shannyn Sossamon is a national treasure and she will be missed from the series, but WOW, when have you ever seen a show so audacious that it kills off its WHOLE MAIN FAMILY ?! (P.S. If that's how That '70s Show ends, don't spoil it for me, I'm still making my way through.)
Meanwhile, an MRI revealed that Margaret the Lady Abby had parts of her brain double the size of a human's, The IMPORTANT parts.
Also Beardy started freaking out when he found out they had Margaret in captivity. Almost as much as the abbies were freaking out, amassing outside the city and just straight up hollering.
That would send a chill down anyone's spine! Next week we're going to see what exactly Margaret is doing to her abbie ilk and there will be more soapy bigamy love triangle goodness against the backdrop of impending doom. Could this show be better? Doubtful. I belong to next week's episode now.
...so Margaret is telepathic guys, huh?
...are you #TeamPagingDoctorLove or #TeamGiveMeSomeSugar?
...what is going on with Kerry and Jason's relationship? He's more into her than she's into him but she's the one pushing him forward?
...when Jason said "you made the right choice" did he possibly mean between him and XANDER (who said he'd worked with Jason) or what exactly?