Question: Hello, Michael! I love reading your column every week! If you ever need an apprentice, assistant, gopher, whatever, let me know! I love television and the media and want a job like yours.

Answer: This is probably a good time for me to point out that this cherry gig isn't the nonstop swag-and-Snapple parade I make it out to be. Some days I actually earn my paycheck. For example, you would not believe the hoops I had to jump through to get confirmation of a recent casting coup on a certain unnamed show. I was so exasperated that I timelined the entire experience press-tour-diary-style for inclusion in my forthcoming tell-all (due whenever I get around to it).