A whole week after John Heffron won the coveted Last Comic Standing title, success still hasn't spoiled the manic funnyman. But make no mistake — he's ready for a diva trip! As his tongue-in-cheek interview with TV Guide Online suggests, he could get mighty comfortable sitting in the lap of luxury — provided that a certain competitor isn't around to, ahem, bug him.

TV Guide Online: You're a bundle of energy on stage. Can that possibly be good for the health of someone as laid-back as you are?
John Heffron:
Well, I don't have a lot of time to run or do the Stairmaster, so this is my way of getting my heart rate up for 20 minutes a day.

TVGO: Speaking of things that are good for your heart... Tammy Pescatelli called you "a walking Everybody Loves Raymond." Guess she's guaranteed to be the first LCS alum on your sitcom.
: [Laughs] Yeah. Sometimes I get compared [to Ray Romano], but in a bad way. But you know what? I'll take whatever he's making. That's not a bad thing.

TVGO: Not bad at all. What kind of show would you like to do?
I used to have ideas, but by the time I was thinking them, I'd wind up seeing someone else doing it on television. I really don't know right now. I'm more concentrated on making sure my live performances go well. I've got people to figure out what kind of show I should do. Hopefully, something that doesn't suck.

TVGO: You have "people"? How nice for you. And you're also a newlywed, yes?
Yeah, I got married a couple weeks ago.

TVGO: Congratulations... or condolences. Aren't you going to miss doing the single-guy routines?
I haven't really had time to go through my act [to consider what may have to be cut]. I think you just have to change some wording and put it in a different perspective.

TVGO: Is your wife ready for her life to become fodder for your act?
She's okay with that. She knows that's what makes it possible for us to eat.

TVGO: Which of your LCS housemates was the toughest to live with?
I'd say Ant. He really put a lot of pressure on to figure out who you're voting for.

TVGO: So he lied to me! There was no mastermind in the house!
Oh no, [there was]! That was definitely Ant. The guy is a self-promoter. He is our decade's Rip Taylor.

TVGO: If you had to keep living with one housemate, who would you pick?
Heffron: Kathleen Madigan
or Todd Glass.

TVGO: Todd Glass?! His notice-me shtick seems like it would get old fast.
Yeah, but to me, it doesn't. It's like, some people liked Dude, Where's My Car?; others didn't.

TVGO: Sane people, mostly.
I could usually laugh at Todd. Then again, it was between talking to him or talking to Ant, so maybe it was just the company I kept at the time.

TVGO: Ouch. What's next on your agenda?
Tonight I have to clean the apartment because I haven't done it in four months. Maybe do a little laundry, too. That's how I party.

TVGO: C'mon. I know that just means you'll be watching the maid scrub the floors!
[Laughs] Yeah, you got me. It's me and Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore having dinner by the poolhouse.