Listen up, Game of Thrones fans: The finale is coming.
After waiting 42 weeks for Game of Thrones' new season to start, it's hard to accept that it's already the end. This season has been tough, what with the writers throwing in some twists and turns that weren't in the books, all of which were basically terrible things happening to beloved female characters. Sansa married Westeros' biggest sociopath. Princess Shireen was burned alive by her dad. So... the finale has to do a lot to reverse the bad fan sentiment. And we have some ideas for how to make that happen!
Here are the eight things we'd most like to see on the Game of Thronesfinale:
(Please note: This author has not read the books, so these events are not based anywhere in GRRM's reality. But hey, if the writers can make stuff up, so can I!)
1. We find out that Shireen didn't die after all: OK, yes, we saw her get burned at the stake. But! We didn't see a body. Remember in Season 1 when Daenerys threw herself on a blazing funeral pyre and walked out of it? What if Queen Selyse were part Targaryen and thus passed along the fireproof gene? Imagine the look on Melisandre's face. (Variation: Maybe greyscale protects from fire?)
2. Sansa reunites with Brienne and throws a reverse Red Wedding for the Boltons: Brienne has spent the entire season standing outside of Winterfell, looking for a sign that Sansa needs her. Let's advance that plotline and get someone on Sansa's side at long last. Pod will lock the Boltons in the Great Hall of Winterfell and with a clap of her hands, Sansa will shank Ramsay Bolton right through the throat with that metal thing she picked up a couple episodes ago. Brienne can knife Roose Bolton in the face and then Lady Stone heart can emerge from a darkened corner, wring Theon's neck and shout, "The North sends their regards!" (Note: Roose's pregnant wife could theoretically get stabbed in the stomach for some truly symmetrical violence, but honestly, it's been a rough enough season for ladies this year. I say she joins Brienne, Sansa, and Pod on the road and sends the baby off to train for the Night's Watch.)
3. Jon Snow banishes Ser Alliser Thorne: Speaking of the Night's Watch... Send Alliser Thorne to one of the unoccupied castles along the Wall, and send Ollie with him as a squire. We don't trust the dirty looks that kid's been giving, and we know he knows his way around a crossbow.
4. Arya gives Ser Meryn Trant a poisoned oyster: But really, we'd be happy with any resolution that doesn't involve her becoming an underage prostitute. That was heavily hinted at in the last episode. Can we have one lady in the entire story who isn't in sexual peril?
5. King Tommen's balls drop: You're the king. You have a whole fleet of sword-wielding security guards at your disposal. Send the Gold Cloaks down to the black cells, get your extended family out of there and banish the Faith Militant to serve in the Night's Watch if they really want to help the kingdom.
6. Cersei gets her comeuppance, but doesn't die: She's already serving hard time and has at the very least realized that arming a bunch of religious zealots wasn't her greatest idea. Ideally, we'd like to have that message driven home in a way that doesn't involve her death. Because no matter how much you hate Cersei, watching Lena Headey play her is a joy, and we would sincerely miss Westeros' biggest wino if anything were to happen to her. Frankly, having her beloved daughter return as a petulant, love-struck teenager will probably be punishment enough.
7. Daenerys circles back on Drogon to pick up Tyrion, Jorah, and Missandei, frees her other two dragon babies, and then flies them all to Westeros: Don't leave your pals hanging, dragon queen! But for real, things aren't working out in Meereen. Maybe it's time to move that plotline back across the Narrow Sea. There are some White Walkers badly in need of some dragon-breathing.
8. The Sand Snakes get some legitimate character development and a half-decent fight scene: Haha, just kidding. We can't ask too much.
What do you hope happens in the finale?
WATCH: How Game of Thrones ruined Stannis the Mannis