David Spade David Spade

David Spade is the next Bachelor — The Honest Bachelor, that is.

The Bachelor: Which woman should Ben choose?

In a new Funny or Die video (just in time for The Bachelor's Monday season finale), Spade dons his best Ben-like mop-top wig and cuts the crap to deliver an uncensored soliloquy to the ladies on what he and the show are really like. "It's good TV to watch me take it out on all you bitches," he says. "I'm secretly a d--k." As our Friend Phoebe Buffay would say, "That is brand new information!"

Watch the clip below. Warning: Contains profane language.