Turns out Simon Cowell's not really bad, he's just drawn that way. As reported in TV Guide magazine's new TV News column (hey, that's my column!), in a recently-taped episode of The Simpsons (to air in March '04), American Idol's Judge Dread voices a brutally honest admissions screener at one of Springfield's most desireable pre-nursery schools. "Homer and Marge are trying to get Maggie into the school, but she has to interview [with Cowell's character] first," explains a show insider, who adds that the biting Brit is parodying, not playing, himself. Suffice it to say, Cowell — who recorded his dialogue on June 27 in London — doesn't react with compassion when he discovers that Maggie's mute. Pick up the current issue of TV Guide (on sale now) to read the Paula Abdul dig that caps this story!