Comparing this reality show to Gordon Ramsay's BBC programs (e.g., Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares) is like comparing cooking sherry to moonshine. Then again, unlike us puritanical Yanks, the British have a noble tradition of profane boorishness that encompasses Henry VIII, Winston Churchill and Derek & Clive. Still, even in his most diluted form, this cursing culinary petulant from Merrie Olde makes Simon Cowell look like Leo Buscaglia. Take last night: Ramsay roused Jessica, Michael and Ralph at 4:00 am to ready the bread for a "packed house of customers" that night. Of course, Gordo neglected to mention that their families would be among those invited (and would be unaware of which chef cooked which dish). The stars in their courses seemed to be against Jessica from the outset after she overdid it on the celebratory champagne. Not only was her chicken entree the worst-received dish, but she was totally overwhelmed by the dessert orders. As a recovering waiter, I can tell you that hangovers and restaurant service do not mix. Although Ramsay was proud of how the trio pulled through the punishing night, Jessica's struggles were too obvious to ignore and she lost her jacket. However, her 'tude and dedication won the demanding Ramsay's respect: "Strong, clever, feisty and never short of a word," quipped Gorgon Gordon, "I like that kind of woman." He even hugged her! If it weren't for his being married and her being a lesbian, they'd make a cute couple (though Jessicas girlfriend is pretty hot). As for the remaining pair, I still can't see how anyone could prefer tattooed Michael's tuna to regular-Joe Ralph's filet mignon Ralph's family especially. "What's with the tuna?" he griped. I can only imagine that Michael spiked it with something mood-altering.