The Biggest Loser
No, they di'int eliminate my Mo! I always knew it would happen, but still. How could they do Maurice like that? Every week, he got winded whilst running like the wind, he moaned like a girl on that treadmill, and yet he lost an impressive 56 lbs. and he was lovably root-worthy while he was at it. He's like this show's answer to Ruben Studdard — except with a personality. That said, what was Mo doing eating a jammy English muffin while sitting in the kitchen asking Gary not to vote for him? If I were competing for $250,000 on Loser, I wouldn't be stuffing down carbs, lemme tell ya. Anyway, I was surprised the final three were released from the ranch to go out into the real world, with all its tasty temptations. Mainly though, I'm just relieved this show finally ends next week.

Red Carpet Confidential
An hour-long commercial for cosmetics sponsors, thinly veiled with some old Entertainment Tonight footage of celebs stalking red carpets and lots of foundation makeup, hosted by some random blond chick and ET's freaky fashionista Steven Cojocaru. Uh-uh. Click. Cojo spooks me and so do...

The Amazing Race 6
... Adam and Rebecca. They were hilarious in their latest fit of dysfunctionality. I busted out laughing when she said that, after looking at the other girls' guys, she'd rather be alone than with Adam. Or as y'all know I like to call him, My Favorite Martian. What I wanna know is, what the hell did she see in him in the first place? This was an extra-dramatic episode. Jonathan called Victoria "stupid drama queen" — God, they're sad — and Freddy went ballistic after someone (possibly that model-hating wrestler Bolo?) yanked that gatepost down and hit him in the noggin.

That's hot: Kris's BF Jon donning a blue Speedo for the water polo challenge. This man puts the "yum" in daaaay-yum.

That's not hot: Couldn't you have gone without seeing Adam or Jonathan next to nude? But more heinous was the Hungarian vampire challenge where the wrestlers drank goblets of pig blood. If that omnipresent CBS eye weren't in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen, I'd swear I was watchin' Fear Factor on NBC. Bleh!

That's really not hot: Also gross was the "Eat a 24-ounce bowl of spicy soup" challenge, which seems like a copy of last year's "Eat a huge bowl of salty caviar" challenge. But clearly it was much harder. Poor Victoria. Her cruel hubby berated her while she sucked down the overspiced soup, weeping and vomiting. Then he insulted her all the way to third place! If I were tummy-troubled like her, I'd get my revenge that night by working some Dutch oven action under the bedcovers.

P.S. I was bummed about Gus and Hera landing in last place. Now, after all that German beer swillin' and Hungarian soup slurpin', he can go on The Biggest Loser and shape up! Don't get me wrong, but as likable as Hera's papa is, he definitely held her back in the race.

How does this new sitcom suck? Let me count the ways....
1. Loved Jennifer Finnigan on The Bold and the Beautiful as the pretty lady doctor in love with her stepfather who also happened to be her brother. But why's she doing Marni's voice like she has a cold? It's really distracting when she forgets every now and then and slips back into her normal voice. Didja notice that?
2. Josh Cooke plays Nate, a neurotic record-store clerk who works a dead-end job because his family's full of genius overachievers who all went insane, and he's trying to avoid their genetic curse. Huh? I'm tired just trying to explain that ridiculousness!
3. He's kinda cute, but the messy haircut's not so flattering.
4. Oh, and Matthew Perry called, Mr. Cooke. He wants his Chandler Bing-style line readings back. Have you watched his show Friends a li'l too much?
5. The whole awkward restaurant scenario with Todd the pitiful wheelchair guy? Not funny. Just awkward.
6. Darius McCrary from Family Matters is such the stereotypical "token black friend" here. I'm embarrassed for him. (My gal pal Chessette insists I include that McCrary's hot and deserves better. Can't disagree with ya there, Chessie.)
7. What is up with Bob Newhart crony Tom Poston as the ex-clown who lives in Marni's kitchen closet? I'm convinced the uproarious laughter during his dumb scenes was canned.
8. Just so you don't think I'm being a total meanie, Tammy Lynn Michaels (aka Mrs. Melissa Etheridge) looks promising as Tess, the shady nanny. She plays off-kilter well — see her work on Popular and The L Word. (By the way, I'm interviewing Tammy later this week, so if you have any questions — other than "What are you doing on this sucky show, Tam?" — send 'em to my Watercooler feedback mailbox below.)

Amber Frey Witness: A Dateline Special with Matt Lauer
Ya can't blame Scott Peterson's other woman, Amber Frey, since she didn't have any idea she was the other woman. (At least not this time, since she'd dated a married man before.) If you were conned by a diabolical freak and dragged into his national scandal, maybe you'd cash in on the whole mess with a book deal, too. Hell, as long as Frey's gotta be infamous by association, she may as well be rich to boot. She's a single mom with a child to support, after all. And during the Lauer interview, she came off pretty classy and brave for her help in obtaining Peterson's conviction. Frey's tape-recorded phone calls with a killer must've been chilling. Gotta give her props for getting through it all. (Gotta also give her publisher props for having the NBC special titled the same as her Witness book.)