American Horror Story: 1984 Adds a Freakin' Ghost Into the Mix

Well, AHS: 1984 really kicked it up a notch in Episode 2, huh? I don't know what I'm more traumatized by: the flashback to Brooke's (Emma Roberts) wedding that features a double murder-suicide thanks to the jealous groom, or watching the not-so-dead-but-also-not-alive hiker's guts spill out of his body.

Just kidding, I'm definitely most traumatized by having to reconcile the fact that Glee's Mr. Schuester's (Matthew Morrison) giant dong plays such an integral part in the plot of this show. How will I ever again listen to a fun mash-up of pop songs without feeling, honestly, just so weird? How will I ever take in a show choir performance without thinking about Xavier's (Cody Fern) sugar daddy/gay porn producer taking in Trevor's (Morrison), um, blessing from a peep hole and uttering the now iconic line, "That's not a c--k, that's an act of God" and then getting murdered by Mr. Jingles (John Carroll Lynch) via a stake to the head? The answer is I will not. I will never be able to do those things.

But Margaret (Leslie Grossman) says that trauma is one half of what you need in order to have complete freedom in your life -- the other is God. Margaret is so predictable, so maybe things aren't so bad.

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Actually, things are pretty bad. The body count at Camp Redwood is climbing (poor Dr. Hobble [Orla Brady] is killed in the first three minutes!), there are (at least) two serial killers running around in the woods, no one has checked on Chef Bertie, and honestly, I don't think anyone is ever going to be ready for children to show up tomorrow morning. But while Brooke and the other counselors are running around trying to figure a way out of the camp -- praise be, they all finally believe she's right about the serial killers once they see Xavier's buddy speared through the face -- we have a much more pressing issue to discuss: We've got a ghost situation.

If you had told me last week that we'd get a sexually charged scene between Margaret Booth and Richard Ramirez (Zach Villa), in which the sentence "I believe in Baby Jesus, Richard, and I believe in you," is uttered and there'd be the ghost of a dead counselor from 1970 roaming around, I would've...well, honestly, I would've told you to keep talking because that show sounds wild.

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Richard Ramirez, The Night Stalker himself, wastes no time finding Brooke alone in the dark (TYPICAL BROOKE), but she quickly beats him with an oar and escapes. While he's chasing her through the woods, Richard collides with someone else: that hiker dude whom Xavier hit with the van and then we saw very much dead, hanging from a door last week. Richard pulls a Richard and immediately guts the dude and then continues on his way in search of Brooke. Only, the same guy shows up again. Richard kills him again. The guy disappears. I imagine for a serial killer, this is intensely frustrating.

Richard says as much when we see him next -- waiting in Margaret's cabin, looking for answers. It turns out the won't-stay-dead guy is a camp counselor from 1970, and although Margaret definitely recognizes his face when Richard shows her the guy's ID card, she doesn't want to talk about that. She wants to talk about how Richard, a self-proclaimed son of Satan, was destined to find Margaret. Margaret, a true Christian, is going to save him -- mainly by explaining to him that you can get away with doing truly terrible things as long as you're doing them in the name of God. First of all, that is some COMMENTARY. Second of all, we're all in agreement, right? Margaret is definitely out there murdering people.

Margaret enlists Richard to help her make the camp a "safe haven," and now that Richard has opened up to Margaret (we get his entire -- truly heinous -- backstory) and he feels heard, he'll do whatever she wants. He's also interested in seeing her feet. He's very into feet.

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Anyway, she sends Richard back out into the woods, but Margaret ends up finding the ghost counselor first. She knows him, his name is Jonas, and he recognizes her, too. He saw her the night of massacre, and instead of helping, he ran. Then he was murdered anyway, and now he's been living in this purgatory where he thinks he's still back at that night, running from the massacre. He asks Margaret if he's a ghost and her response is "Who am I, Dan Aykroyd? I guess," which is just so perfect (I haven't said it yet, but this episode is hilarious -- the cheesy '80s dialogue and zingers like that are all so good). But the way Margaret asks if Jonas saw Mr. Jingles when he was killed has my spidey senses tingling: Is Margaret lying about what went down that night at Camp Redwood in 1970?

We have no time to ponder this because after the rest of the crew attempts to leave in the van and then crashes it -- I'm still laughing at Montana's (Billie Lourd) reaction to Chet (Gus Kenworthy) confessing he did take steroids: "YEAH WE ALL F---ING KNOW" -- they split up into two groups. One goes with Rita (Angelica Ross) to get her car keys from the infirmary, and the other with Trevor to get his keys from the cabin. By the end of the episode, both groups are cowering in their respective cabins, as something or someone scary starts beating down the doors.

Who is going to die next?

American Horror Story: 1984 continues Wednesdays at 10/9c on FX.