Our top moments of the week:
11. Worst First Date: When single mom-to-be Akua tells Pregnant in Heels' Rosie that she doesn't want to wait until after she gives birth to start dating again, Rosie and a dating expert give her some first-date tips, including "don't talk about the pregnancy." But then on the date, Akua talks the guy's ear off about her cravings, asks if he wants to feel her belly and even cries. (Damn those hormones!) Needless to say, surrogate fatherhood is not in this guy's immediate future.
10. Worst Disguised Diss: On The Real Housewives of New York City, Heather tries to make nice with Ramona by inviting her to shop at a friend's boutique. But it's really all a ruse for Heather to announce loudly to the cameras that she wants to give Ramona, who's "in a rut fashion-wise," a makeover. Ramona scowls at the word "makeover" and refuses to buy anything at the store. Word to the wise, Heather: a small glass of pinot grigio goes a long way.
9. Best Pick-Me-Up: It's not the happiest of birthdays for Sean on Episodes — his wife slept with the star of their TV show, after all —but Morning makes things worse when she tells him that the show's great debut numbers don't really mean anything. Fortunately, she brightens his day as quickly as she deflated it when she leans in and gives him a big kiss on the mouth and tells him she's single. What's good for the goose...
8. Most Bi-Curious Therapy: On the season premiere of Web Therapy, Kip sees Camilla Bowner (hilariously played by Meryl Streep), a conversion therapist who is helping him be "less gay" on the campaign trail. But it's not going well. During a web check-in, Camilla not-so-subtly tells Fiona that, while undergoing electroshock therapy, Kip would rather stare at a poster of David Hasselhoff and get zapped than look at Fiona's naked body. As Aunt Sassy might say, Note to self: I don't want to see that!
7. Most Romantic Move: Emily hits it off with all four families on The Bachelorette's hometown week, but it's Jef who gets extra points when he reads her a note he had written on the plane back from Prague. Emily fights back tears as he tells her how much he loves her and how he wants to be there for her daughter Ricki. "That was the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me," she says. Needless to say, Jef gets a rose. But did that letter seal the final rose for him?
6. Weirdest Blackmail Tool: As if it wasn't disturbing enough that "Marta," aka Veronica, made a sex tape of her and John Ross on Dallas, things weirder when Christopher finds the tape and watches it (no, really). However, it's a good thing he does because he hears John Ross call Veronica by her real name — as in: "you like it rough, don't you, Veronica?" — and realizes that the sex tape is proof that John Ross was in cahoots with J.R. to get control of Southfork the whole time. See, John Ross, sleeping with crazy women isn't just a bad decision, it's bad for business.
5. Worst Secret-Keeper: Now that they're working together on News Night, exes Will and MacKenzie agree to never disclose why they broke up on The Newsroom. But when MacKenzie finds out that everyone thinks that Will cheated on her, she becomes obsessed with dispelling the rumor. But instead of sending an email to "Will McAvoy," she types "*S" (how exactly?) and accidentally sends it to the entire staff. Well, at least now everyone knows what the awkward elephant in the room is.
4. Fattest Lip Service: A family vacation to the Dominican Republic on Keeping Up with the Kardashians is going swell when Kris Jenner wakes up with a massive swollen upper lip, which she says was the result of an allergic reaction. Leave it to Kim to say what we're all thinking. "Is the Dominican Republic known for plastic surgery?" she snarks. "Did you come here to really sneak and get your lips done?" Kris, who got a facelift before Kim's wedding last year, snaps: "I did not get my lips done in the middle of the night, Kim!" A nurse later confirms it was an allergic reaction. To what? Collagen?
3. Most Moving Tribute: The stars — Mariah Carey, Brandy, Monica and Chaka Khan —come out in full force at the BET Awards to pay tribute to Whitney Houston. "I miss my friend. I miss hearing her voice and laughter, but we'll always have the music," Carey says. But it's the late singer's mother Cissy Houston who steals the show and has us all reaching for the Kleenex when she performs a rousing, emotional rendition of "Bridge Over Troubled Water" in memory of her daughter.
2. Best Mystery: Weeds' season premiere answers last season's big cliff-hanger: Who shot Nancy? That would be Tim Scottson (shrug), the long-forgotten son of Nancy's slain second husband, DEA Agent Peter Scottson, who apparently figured out that Nancy unintentionally got his father killed.
1. Best Hookup: After several half-hearted attempts at romantic chemistry on True Blood, Sookie and Alcide at long last hook up. She works up the courage (after several Orange Marzipans, a disgusting concoction of triple sec, Amaretto and Bailey's) to tell Alcide that she knows that he is in love with her. It's a strange approach on a show that has made Sookie's self-centeredness a plotline this season, but it works! Since Anna Paquin is pregnant in real life, does this mean Sookie might become pregnant... with werewolf cubs?
What were your top moments?