It was fun this week to watch from our lofty sofa perches and judge our favorite TV personalities. We were surprised that Mel Gibson still hasn't learned when not to talk. We scoffed at an American Idol hopeful's figuratively naked (and almost literally naked) attempt to gimmick his way to Hollywood. And we counted our own blessings as Fringe and Lost toyed with the lives of three very unfortunate souls — or was it four souls? Welcome to Top Moments, Harsh Judgment Edition.
13. Best Three-Ring Circus: At the Grammys, Pink sheds a robe to reveal a nearly nude circus-acrobat bodysuit, which she puts to good use, as she completes a competent rendition of her song "Glitter in the Air" while suspended from silk ribbons. Meanwhile, some sort of hidden garden hose shoots water all over her body and down to the stage below. Oh, and the other performers of the evening? All wet.
12. Worst Beach Body: What's more annoying than the gimmickry that American Idol hopefuls often employ in their (usually terrible) auditions? The rerun of a terrible gimmick. Ty Hemmerling's dream of becoming "Bikini Boy" is crushed when the judges dismiss him after a few achy-shaky bars of "Achy Breaky Heart." Next time, Ty, look into waxing. Oh, and sing better.
11. Best Mystery: On House, the grumpy doc and his domestic partner, Wilson, team up to figure out who targeted them for a serious pranking. Despite House's beef with the brothers Foreman, it's not them. It's Cuddy boy-toy Lucas, who's ticked off that the docs have stolen his condo.
10. Best Introduction: Supernatural's mythology takes a step forward when Michael finally meets Dean. The archangel proceeds to school his chosen vessel on a couple of things: 1) There's no such thing as free will, so Dean will have no choice but to accept Michael as his vessel and 2) The Winchesters share the same bloodline as a couple of other brothers named Cain and Abel.
9. When It Rains, It Pours Award: Damages reveals that the soon-to-be-dead Tom Shayes is also a victim of the Tobin family's Ponzi scheme — the same case he and Patty are investigating. Also: He's maybe an adulterer, as Tom and Ellen start a relationship that appears to be more than professional.
8. Worst Celebrity Behavior: During an interview with Chicago's WGN to promote his new film, Edge of Darkness, Mel Gibson balks when the interviewer brings up his 2006 DUI arrest. At the end of their awkward exchange, Gibson doesn't realize he's still on camera and calls the reporter an "a--hole." (He later says of the incident: "I have a short fuse.")
7. Most Shocking Death: This week's 24 familial-treachery moment comes when Bazhaev shoots and kills his uranium-tainted son, Oleg, after his other son, Josef, spends the hour in a doctor's office lobbying valiantly to save his brother's life.
6. Best Celebrity Behavior: Gabourey Sidibe, for whom the word "delightful" was invented, knows how to shine during a post-Oscar-nomination interview with the Good Morning America crew. "As soon as I heard, I jumped up and down and for some reason, I kept screaming, 'I'm gonna get a car, I'm gonna get a car!'" she says. Yes, we know that Sandra Bullock and Meryl Streep are the frontrunners, but can you imagine how awesome Gaby's acceptance speech would be?
5. Best Surveillance Video: 30 Rock's Liz Lemon installs a hidden camera to catch her new roommate Frank sneaking a smoke. Instead, the footage reveals a zombified, negative-image Liz "sleep-eating"... chips, a pizza she sleep-orders and the cigarettes that were missing from Frank's pack. Blerg!
4. Fair and Balanced Award: Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly gamely agree to disagree on The O'Reilly Factor Wednesday. "You're the voice of sanity at Fox News," Stewart tells O'Reilly, before adding, "That's like being the thinnest kid at fat camp." O'Reilly doesn't seem too offended: The next night he invites Stewart to be his running mate in a possible presidential run.
3. Most Awkward Moment: After Modern Family's Jay and Cameron sweat it out on the racquetball court, their bare buttocks accidentally touch in the locker room. Cam calls it a "moon landing," a cutesy name that only adds to the twitchy Jay's mortification.
2. Best Side-Splitting: Fringe drops more tantalizing hints about its alternate universe when a "quantum event" causes the two worlds to merge within the confines of a single building. Among the bizarre results: A man fuses with his "over-there" self into a Siamese twin-like monstrosity with eight flailing limbs and a head emerging from its stomach.
1. Best Resurrection: Death is ever-present on Lost, but we weren't prepared for two within the first hour. (R.I.P., Juliet!) Efforts to heal a mortally wounded Sayid by bathing him in a sacred pool at The Temple appear to fail. Even super-savior Jack's CPR ministrations are useless. But in the mind-bending episode's closing moments, Sayid suddenly bolts upright and asks, "What happened?" We're kind of wondering the same thing.