Look, we don't like to criticize. But it's all we learned this week from the world of TV: Griping on Dancing with the Stars. Whining on American Idol. Sawyer teaching Jack how to lead on Lost. Why can't everyone be like Battlestar Galactica's Admiral Adama, letting silence speak louder than words? We apologize for the nit-pickiness of this week's Top Moments, and look forward to your critiques.
11. Feintest Praise: Visiting Dublin for St. Patrick's Day, Today co-host Meredith Vieira samples a Guinness mixed with champagne and excitedly declares it "not bad." Please, you're surrounded by Irish people, representing the United States. Tell them it's brilliant!
10. Truth-in-Advertising Award: We didn't know what to believe anymore after ABC faked us out with Brothers & Sisters promos that (dishonestly) promised someone would die. But kudos to the network for staying true to their guarantee of girl-on-girl Desperate Housewives action. Now if only they'd do something about desperate ratings bait.
9. Most Devilish Reveal: Supernatural's Alastair effectively digs his own grave by revealing that he tortured the Hell out of Big Daddy Winchester for no less than a century. Luckily, demon-blood-fed Sam is able to give Al his comeuppance. (That said, Dean's bro really scares us now.)
8. Purrrrrfect Guest Star: House's patients often seem to have nine lives, but this week a cat figures into a medical mystery. Can the feline actually foretell death? Nope. The critter just likes the withering patients' heated blankets.
7. Hostess With the Mostest... Room for Improvement: All that graceful choreography on Dancing with the Stars only highlights host Samantha Harris' verbal gaffes. We like the blunder-full beauty, but wish she would stop giving contestants "a modiment to catch their breath" — just one of her gaffes this week. Come on, you talk for a living.
6. Most Heavenly Reunion: Ghost Whisperer fans get the moment they've waited (too long) for when a drowning Sam realizes that he's Jim, Melinda's husband. It's a rare instance when water reignites an old flame.
5. Most Sheltered Country Star: Stunned by Adam Lambert's sitar-ized version of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire," plus the aspiring Idol's black hair, eyeliner and black nail polish, guest mentor Randy Travis doesn't know what to say: "For me, I don't see men wearing nail polish that often, so it sorta caught me off guard, but Adam seems like a very nice guy and again a great singer." Get with it, man. Cash covered Nine Inch Nails years ago. Lambert's routine isn't too new — it's too 1991.
4. Best Line: Battlestar's Admiral Adama tapes a red line down the middle of a launch deck and asks his entire fleet to make a choice: Head out on a possibly suicidal mission to save a little girl, or leave for safer ships. There's no guilt or judgments, just a line. And a stunning image of a ship divided.
3. Best Power Struggle: Remember when Jack was the calm, deliberative Lostie and Sawyer was the wild card? When Jack objects to Sawyer reading a book and popping a cold one while Sayid sits in a Dharma prison, Sawyer says he's taking the deliberative, Winston Churchill approach. "That's how I saved your ass today, and that's how I'm going to save Sayid's tomorrow." There's a new sheriff in town, Hoss.
2. Worst Joke: So this is why most sitting presidents don't appear on live comedy shows. Barack Obama sticks his foot deep in his mouth by comparing his notoriously bad bowling to the Special Olympics. He apologizes before the show even airs.
1. Most Moving Tribute: Theaters on Broadway, where Liam Neeson and Natasha Richardson met while performing in a 1993 play, dim their lights to honor the Tony-award-winning actress the night after her death. Cameras capture Neeson and Vanessa Redgrave embracing supporters. Stage and screen alike are a little less bright.