Commencement speeches aren't always just platitudes and cliches. Every once in a while, a graduating class will luck out with a seriously entertaining celebrity speaker. Here are the top five speeches we wish we had had at our graduations:
School: Tulane University Class of 2009
Best Line: "I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can't graduate until I finish so listen up."
School: Knox College Class of 2006
Best Line: "The best reason for me to come to speak at Knox College is that I attended Knox College. This is part of my personal history that you will rarely see reported, partly because the press doesn't do their proper research — but mostly because it is not true. Nah, I just made it up so this moment would be more poignant for all of us."
School: University of Pennsylvania Class of 2006
Best Line: "You better lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it, you better never let it go. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime" (aka the refrain from Eminem's "Lose Yourself" — but at least she didn't say "yo" at the end).
School: Harvard University Class of 2003
Best Line: [Doing his Bush impression] "One of the challenges you will be faced with is finding a job in our depressed economy. In fact, the chances of landing a decent job are about as good as finding weapons of mass destruction in the Iraqi desert. Slim and none. And Slim just left the building."
School: Harvard University Class of 2000
Best Line: "Students of the Harvard Class of 2000, 15 years ago I sat where you sit now. And I thought exactly what you are now thinking: What's going to happen to me? Will I find my place in the world? Am I really graduating a virgin? Still have 24 hours. Roommate's mom very hot. Swear she's checking me out."