Watercooler: The VMAs Were Far From Award-Worthy

Let's not be too harsh on Chelsea Handler. It wasn't all her fault that the VMA's stank this year.
No, there was a lot wrong with last night's show. First off, about 90% of the performances were autotuned monstrosities — none worse than Best New Artist zygote Justin Bieber, who took to a stage outside of L.A.'s Nokia Theatre for a mall tour-caliber rendition of his hit, "Baby," which sounded like he was singing through an airplane propeller. Kid was more dubbed than a Godzilla movie. Unfortunately, Taylor Swift was one of the few performers who wasn't electronically sweetened, so her folksy ode to Kanye West ruining her win last year was as off-key as it was overwrought and self- indulgent. To crib from a Twitter follower last night, it was a Moonman, not a Nobel Peace Prize... get over it, T-Swifty, or we'll be begging Kanye to cut you off next time.
Then there were the presenters, who had zero chemistry and even less material to work with as far as comedy went. Katy Perry offering Nicki Minaj a statue as sex toy? LOL! Not. All the Jersey Shore shout-outs? Ugh. And poor Penn Badgley, being all but plowed down by Emma Stone and left with only two words to utter while intro'ing Linkin Park — and she said them with him. Hope the flight from the Gossip Girl set was worth it, Penn! The only things that really livened things up were a pre taped gag by Lindsay Lohan and an appearance by Cher... and that was only because she slipped back into her "If I Could Turn Back Time" getup from a hundred years ago and still looked good.
And finally, yes, there was Handler. Usually, the late-night party girl is a hoot. Last night, she was more a "huh?" Maybe it was her trying to balance her hate-on-everyone style with a more star-friendly approach, or maybe it was nerves. Maybe it was the fact that she opened the show in a Lady Gaga-esque outfit, but never attained a commensurate level of outrageousness as the night went on. Whatever the case, Chelsea was the VMA's first female host since '94 and we were really expecting her to bring the heat. Although even that probably wouldn't have saved this hot mess.
What did you think of the VMAs?
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