Top Moments: The Office Baby Blues, The Bachelor's First Dance, and a Monster's Balls

TV was all about body parts this week. Jules creepily enlisted her son in her hair-removal regimen on Cougar Town. Those cheeky Canadians poked fun at their Olympic cauldron's bum leg. Penélope Cruz got personal with Halle Berry. And now that the Office baby has arrived, it's a perfect time for a good breastfeeding joke, isn't it? Welcome to Top Moments: Body of Work Edition.
12. Weirdest Mother-Son Moment: On Cougar Town, Jules needs help removing the wax-coated strips she uses to depilate her underarms. Grayson delights in the job, but he's not around. Who better to sub for him than Travis, Jules' put-upon, eye-rolling teenaged son? His discomfort is hilarious.
11. Best Do-Over: After getting the Winter Olympics off on the wrong foot, er, leg, with a cauldron malfunction, the good-natured Canadian hosts inject a dose of self-deprecating humor in the closing ceremony: An electrician mime "fixes" the recalcitrant leg so speed skater Catriona LeMay Doan can light the torch and have the moment in the spotlight she missed 17 days prior. At least she didn't have to wait four years.
10. Most Bittersweet Finale: Throughout Nip/Tuck's seven seasons, we rooted for Sean to get away from Christian's toxic narcissism. But when he finally leaves, one-way ticket to Bucharest in hand, we're sad instead of relieved. It's then that we realize that we are sick people who would rather watch the pain and perversion of a show about unnecessary plastic surgery than one about saving orphans. It's just another thing we don't like about ourselves — we really need to do some volunteering.
9. Saddest Surprise: After Southland's Lydia vents to Russell about her new partner, he reveals that he, in fact, hand-picked his replacement, accepting his fate in ways Lydia hasn't. Lydia's subsequent emotional breakdown is devastating — and just the latest of Regina King's stellar performances.
8. Most Intriguing Cliffhanger: Burn Notice's Michael has an opportunity to kill the man who committed the crimes that were used to burn him (guest star Garret Dillahunt), but he balks after Management offers him a "big future." Michael is arrested, but when his shackles are removed, he's not in prison, but rather a comfy suite. What's next?
7. Least Sympathetic Reaction: On Lost, Dogen tells Sayid a touching story about how Jacob resurrected his son after Dogen's drunk-driving killed him. Sayid's lightning-quick response: He kills the vulnerable father by drowning him. The murder seems to indicate that the former torturer has veered far off the path to redemption.
6. Best Reaction Shot: On Jerry Seinfeld's mostly tedious The Marriage Ref, Danielle Ridolfi turns out to be a bright spot. Her husband, Kevin, wants to stuff and mount his dead dog, Fonzie, and display him in their house. Her reaction upon seeing Fonzie's final resting place — mostly the numb repetition of the phrase "I can't" — captures perfectly the reaction of many in the audience.
5. Saddest Reunion: On Criminal Minds, the BAU team saves three children from abductors who have held kids for eight years. The happy reunion with their parents is tempered, though, when the Shepherds learn that their son, Stephen, is not among the lucky three survivors — he was cremated just one day prior to the rescue.
4. Best Zinger: Back-talking American Idol hopeful Jermaine Sellers says he's confident that he'll make it to the next round because of his close relationship with God. Simon awakes from his season-long nap to snark to host Ryan Seacrest, "Why even bother with the [phone] number then?" Sellers is subsequently sent home.
3. Best Language Barrier: On The Oprah Winfrey Oscar Special, Hottest Oscar Winners Ever Penélope Cruz and Halle Berry (they share the title) interview each other about their film careers. Cruz explains that her spotty English sometimes leads to hilarious misunderstandings. For example, she thinks Berry won an Oscar for her role in a movie named after the testicles of a behemoth. That's right, folks: She calls it Monster's Balls. This amuses us to no end, because we are eight years old.
2. Most Surprising Self-Awareness: Viewers demanded more use of The Bachelor's cheesy theme song "On the Wings of Love," and they get it when Jeffrey Osborne himself shows up to serenade the newly engaged Jake and Vienna with the '80s slow jam after their first public interview together. Let's hope Osborne is available again when Jake appears on Dancing with the Stars.
1. Best Lactation Joke: In the special one-hour Office baby episode, a tender moment in which Pam finally gets the baby to "latch" for breastfeeding is turned on its ear when she realizes that she's accidentally picked up her hospital neighbor's newborn. "Wrong baby, wrong baby," she repeats to panicky dad Jim, who quickly replaces the sated infant in its bassinet before its mother wakes up. 

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