TV was all in the family this week. Damages' Carol Tobin kept her dead father's secrets by killing his mistress. Brother cowboys Cord and Jet had fun with hats on The Amazing Race. Kourtney Kardashian gave the doctors a hand in the delivery of her son. Lost's Jack has a son! And Octomon charmed the ladies of The View — and America — with a laugh as gentle and full-throated as a well-aged Cabernet. Welcome to Top Moments: Family Style Edition!
8. Best Introduction: On Damages, Carol Tobin (Ana Reeder) proves she's not afraid to kill to get what she wants. She poisons her father's mistress, Danielle Marchetti, silencing one of Patty's key witnesses. Sly, no doubt, but how long will it be before the cops realize the same poison killed Louis?
7. Best Use of a Bag: Cowboy hats need protection too. On The Amazing Race, cowboy Cord forgets to bring a hat protector, so he improvises, using a plastic bag to shield his trademark Stetson from the Chilean rain. (See this pic of Cord and brother Jet to understand the difference.) The bag comes in handy later when he uses it to carry eggs in the Roadblock, pushing his team to a first-place finish in the leg.
6. Best Case for a Lawsuit: Grow up, American Idol judges! Rather than observe and offer constructive criticism of hunky singer-songwriter Casey James' cover of "Heaven," the panel cracks jokes about Kara undressing Casey with her eyes while Kara mock-swoons, making sure she's the center of attention during his performance.
5. Most Appreciated Art: Hunky artist Luc (Gilles Marini) returns to Brothers & Sisters under the most contrived of circumstances. Sarah (Rachel Griffiths) admires one of Luc's paintings, which is hung anonymously at an event. Once the artist's identity is revealed, though, all is forgiven when their reunion kiss is hot enough to ignite oil paint.
4. Worst Decision: Gerard Kemkers is, like, the opposite of a Dutch treat right now. With eight laps to go in the 10,000-meter long track at the Winter Olympics, world-record holder and three-time world champion Sven Kramer seems destined to bring another gold back to his speed skating-crazed nation. But. Kemkers, his coach, emphatically — and mistakenly — directs his star pupil to the inside lane, which gets Kramer disqualified. After learning of his misfortune, Kramer angrily tosses his glasses and pushes Kemkers away. So Sven, who's stupid now?
3. Best Daddy Issues: In Lost's alternate universe, Dr. Shephard has a teenaged son, David, who is a piano prodigy. While Jack's estrangement from David at first recalls his own difficulties with Christian or the tension between Michael and Walt, The Jack-Daddy overcomes his fathering failures simply by telling his son that he loves and is proud of him. (Next question: Who's David's mom?)
2. Most Miraculous: Childbirth videos are never for the squeamish, but footage of the delivery of Kourtney's son Mason on Keeping Up with the Kardashians breaks new ground. After her water breaks, she takes a pre-labor shower and freshens up her make-up. In a shocking, surprisingly effortless-looking move during the final stages of labor, Kourtney cuts to the chase and reaches down to remove her son from her womb herself.
1. Best Laugh: "Octomom" Nadya Suleman gives Fran Drescher a break when she unveils her own annoying laugh during an uncomfortable chat with the ladies of The View. The motherhood enthusiast ricochets between unfinished stories and demented cackling as the gobsmacked hosts — mother hen Barbara Walters, in particular — try their damnedest not to roll their eyes on live television.