100 Things We Still Can't Believe Happened on American Horror Story

American Horror Storycelebrated its 100th episode during the ninth season, 1984. In honor of the FX anthology's major milestone, it's hard not to look back at everything the show has given us over the past eight years. From campy quips to gruesome crimes, from witches fighting the Antichrist to a meeting between Jim Jones and Jesus Christ, American Horror Story is always as unpredictable as it is entertaining.

So for American Horror Story's 100th episode, we're celebrating the 100 things that we can't believe actually happened in Murder House, Asylum, Coven, Freak Show, Hotel, Roanoke, Cult, Apocalypse, and 1984. From some of the biggest twists to the more obscure moments, here are 100 things that made us say, "WTF are you doing AHS?"

1. Ben Harmon masturbates while crying and staring out a window. (Murder House)
2. Violet falls in love with Tate, the ghost of a school shooter. (Murder House)
3. While dressed as Rubber Man, Tate sexually assaults and impregnates Vivien so that Nora Montgomery can get the baby she always wanted. (Murder House)
4. Constance locks Addy in a room filled with mirrors, aka the "bad girl closet," as a punishment. (Murder House)
5. Constance grinds up her philandering husband Hugo into dog food. (Murder House)
6. An angry father of an aborted child kidnaps the baby of Charles Montgomery, who performed the procedure, and mails back the infant's dismembered corpse -- which Charles then stitches back together, creating the Infantata. (Murder House)
   

   

7. Tate murders the gay couple who had moved in by drowning Chad in an apple-bobbing bin and sodomizing Patrick with a fireplace poker. (Murder House)
8. Ben's patient Derrick tries to overcome his fear of Piggy Man by calling for the killer in his bathroom mirror only to be shot by an overweight robber hiding in his shower who thinks Derrick is aware of his presence. (Murder House)
9. Constance feeds Vivien raw brain and organs during her pregnancy and she literally eats it up. (Murder House)
10. Moira bites off Joe's penis while giving him a blow job. (Murder House)
11. Ben is only able see the older version Moira after she finally becomes convinced that he won't cheat on Vivien again -- a realization she comes to after masturbating and having sex with Elizabeth Short, aka the Black Dahlia, in front of him. (Murder House)
12. Tate tries to distract Violet from the fact that she just found out she's dead by showing her a funny clip online, but he can't find the website because he types in "utube." (Murder House)
13. Vivien finds out that not only do her twins have different fathers, but that one of the babies is the literal Antichrist. (Murder House)
14. Adam Levine and Jenna Dewan's characters go to have sex inside Briarcliff on their "haunted honeymoon," but get killed by Bloody Face 2.0 in a spectacularly absurd fashion. (Asylum)
    
15. Dr. Arden pulls an extraterrestrial, sentient, multi-legged micro-chip out of Kit's neck that is never explained. (Asylum)
    

    

16. Sister Mary Eunice get possessed by the actual Devil. (Asylum)
17. Dr. Arden puts lipstick on a statue of the Virgin Mary, screams "whore!" at it and then smashes it. (Asylum)
18. Lana is forced to undergo conversion therapy with Dr. Thredson, who makes her throw up while looking at nude photos of her murdered girlfriend. (Asylum)
19. Ian McShane plays a psychotic Santa who murders seven nuns, attempts to rape Sister Jude, and crucifies Briarcliff's head priest. (Asylum)
20. Shelley is experimented on by Dr. Arden, who amputates her legs and turns her into a Rasper. She is then dumped at a school playground where she traumatizes young children for life when they spot her. (Asylum)
21. The new patient at Briarcliff recognizes Dr. Arden from Auschwitz and claims to be Anne Frank. Dr. Arden later lobotomizes "Anne Frank" before her identity can be confirmed. (Asylum)
22. Dr. Thredson tells an imprisoned Lana that she's his new mommy and then tries to nurse her. (Asylum)
    

    

23. Dr. Arden gifts Sister Mary Eunice ruby earrings he had stolen from the feces of a wealthy Jewish woman who was ingesting them daily while in the concentration camp. Sister Mary Eunice loves them. (Asylum)
24. Sister Judy hallucinates an entire song and dance number to "The Name Game." (Asylum)
25. Dr. Arden cremates himself on top of the body of the deceased Sister Mary Eunice. (Asylum)
26. Aliens abduct Kit, Grace, and Alma and impregnate the two women. The trio raise the children as a blended family until Alma kills Grace for being too pro-alien. (Asylum)
27. Delphine LaLaurie creates her own minotaur by putting a bull's head onto the body of an enslaved man, Bastien, that was caught having sex with her daughter. (Coven)
28. Zoe discovers she is a witch when she has sex with her boyfriend and her magical, deadly vagina kills him. (Coven)
29. Madison murders a bus filled with frat bros as revenge for them raping her at a party. Zoe then kills the single survivor by raping and killing him with her black widow vagina. (Coven)
30. Madison and Zoe build the "perfect boyfriend" out of frat boy parts and Kyle's head, and eventually the three of them begin a polyamorous relationship. (Coven)
31. After being resurrected, Kyle returns home where his mother continues to sexually abuse him. In order to stop her, Kyle bludgeons his mother to death with a trophy. (Coven)
32. Queenie loses her virginity to the Minotaur but the sexual tryst goes awry when his horns cut open her stomach. (Coven)
33. Zoe fights off a zombie army with a chainsaw. (Coven)
    

    

34. Delphine LaLaurie imprisons her daughters in cages and stuffs one's mouth with feces as punishment for conspiring to murder her. (Coven)
35. Spalding turns Madison's corpse into his own personal doll. He accidentally rips off her arm while taking her out for one of his tea parties. (Coven)
36. Delphine LaLaurie kills her husband's baby with another woman and uses the infant's blood as an anti-aging skin treatment. (Coven)
37. As punishment for associating with the witches, Luke's mom, Joan, gives him a bleach enema. (Coven)
38. Marie Laveau forces the imprisoned (and decapitated) Delphine LaLaurie to watch all of Roots as punishment for being racist. Delphine attempts to drown it out by singing "Dixie." (Coven)
39. Myrtle restores Cordelia's sight by removing one eye from each of the other two council members with a melon baller and placing them in Cordelia's head. (Coven)
40. After finding out about her husband's infidelity, Joan puts a honeycomb in his car and watches as the bees sting her very allergic husband to death. (Coven)
41. Myrtle Snow screams her last words as she is burnt at the stake (for the second time): "BALENCIAGA!" (Coven)
42. Jimmy makes extra money by pleasuring housewives with his "flipper" fingers. (Freak Show)
43. Bette and Dot perform Fiona Apple's "Criminal" while a mosh pit forms in front of the freak show stage. (Freak Show)
    

    

44. Ethel and Dell sell tickets to Jimmy's birth and allow audience members to pay to hold the "monster baby." (Freak Show)
45. Twisty the Clown's backstory reveals he used to be a regular clown until his career ended due to false molestation allegations. He then tries to take his own life but just manages to blow off his jaw. (Freak Show)
46. Elsa rises to fame as a dominatrix in Germany but her career ends when a group of Nazis, including Dr. Arden, drug her and saw off her legs for a snuff film. (Freak Show)
47. Dressed in only briefs and the Twisty mask, Dandy dismembers a living man, throwing his limbs into a vat of acid as he goes. (Freak Show)
48. As punishment for wanting to be with Paul, Penny's father disfigures her by giving her reptilian face tattoos and a forked tongue. She gets retribution by tarring and feathering her father with the freaks, but her plans to castrate him are interrupted. (Freak Show)
49. After killing his mother, Dandy literally bathes in her blood. (Freak Show)
50. Dandy turns his mother's corpse and the head of an Avon lady into a life-size, two-headed marionette in homage to Bette and Dot. (Freak Show)
51. Bette and Dot have sex with Chester, but only once they agree to let his ventriloquist dummy Marjorie watch. (Freak Show)
52. Chester literally saws Maggie in half and when he pulls the two halves of the box apart all of her internal organs fall onto the floor. (Freak Show)
53. The freaks cut off Stanley's arms, legs, and tongue and keep him in a chicken coop. (Freak Show)
    

    

54. The Countess and Donovan have a blood orgy with a couple they picked up on a night out. (Hotel)
55. The Ten Commandments Killer stages a murder tableau in which two adulterers have their hands nailed to the bed's headboard, the man's tongue and eyes are removed and placed in an ashtray, and the still-living male victim's penis is super-glued inside the dead woman's vagina. (Hotel)
56. Gabriel is sexually assaulted by the Addiction Demon's drill-bit dildo. Sally then sews Gabriel inside a hotel mattress. (Hotel)
57. On Devil's Night, the ghosts of Aileen Wournos, Richard Ramirez, John Wayne Gacy, the Zodiac Killer, and Jeffrey Dahmer convene for a dinner party. (Hotel)
58. Alex turns the son of an anti-vaxxer who had been dying of the measles into a vampire but then the boy spreads the vampire affliction (and measles) to all of his elementary school classmates. (Hotel)
59. When a hipster couple orders paté, Liz serves them cat food on a silver platter. The hipsters review the paté as "decent." (Hotel)
60. The Countess goes to Charles Montgomery for an abortion but her demonic son survives and immediately attacks the nurse after being removed from the womb. (Hotel)
61. The Ten Commandments Killer stuffs a televangelist preacher with so many coins he explodes. (Hotel)
62. After having a threesome, Sally stitches herself to the bodies of two musicians so that they can't leave her, but then they overdose. She is tortured by the Addiction Demon for days before she rips herself away from their corpses. (Hotel)
63. Sally is finally able to quit doing heroin when she gets an iPhone and becomes a social media star. (Hotel)
64. It rains teeth on the Roanoke house. (Roanoke)
    

    

65. The Butcher nails a tail to a man, puts a pig head over his own, and then roasts him alive. (Roanoke)
66. Two nurses kill the patients in their retirement home, selecting their victims and the order of the kills so that the first letter of the victims' first names will spell out "MURDER." (Roanoke)
67. Lee, Matt, and Shelby walk in on two young boys nursing on a dead sow. (Roanoke)
68. Philip Edward Mott locks the people he enslaves naked in a cellar on suspicion that they destroyed his beloved art but Mott is killed before he can let them out. They all die as a result. (Roanoke)
69. The Polks strike a deal with the Butcher that they can grow weed in peace as long as they contribute human sacrifices. (Roanoke)
70. The real-life Shelby has an affair with the actor who played her husband Matt in the TV show. (Roanoke)
71. After playing the Butcher, Agnes Mary Winstead becomes obsessed with the character and runs down Hollywood Boulevard slashing at bystanders with a cleaver. Agnes also steals Audrey Tindall's Saturn Award. (Roanoke)
72. The Polks cut off Lee's leg and feed it to Audrey and Monet. (Roanoke)
73. Shelby murders Matt after he admits he only returned to the Roanoke house for Scáthach. Shelby then slits her own throat out of regret and grief. (Roanoke)
74. RuPaul's Drag Race alum Trixie Mattell interviews the cast and crew of My Roanoke Nightmare at PaleyFest. (Roanoke)
75. Kai covers his face in Cheetos dust to celebrate Donald Trump's election as president. (Cult)
    

    

76. Ally sees two clowns having sex in the produce aisle of a grocery store. (Cult)
77. Dr. Rudy helps his patient overcome her fear of being trapped or buried alive only for the woman to go home and immediately be locked inside a coffin, where she dies. (Cult)
78. Meadow and Harrison show up to Ally's house wearing sombreros and call her racist after Ally shot her employee Pedro. (Cult)
79. Meadow votes for Oprah Winfrey in the 2016 presidential election. (Cult)
80. Oz's pet guinea pig is microwaved to death by the clown cult. (Cult)
81. Ivy and Winter handcuff Gary in a basement ahead of the election so he can't vote for Trump. Kai finds him and makes Gary saw off his own hand so he can cast his vote. (Cult)
82. Valerie Solanas creates her SCUM collective and they carry out murderous attacks on men, including Andy Warhol. The killings are credited to the Zodiac killer, but there is no Zodiac, only SCUM. (Cult)
83. Winter and Kai infiltrate a hyper-religious order's headquarters, which is a house in which various rooms feature different "sinners" being tortured. They kill the leader by impaling him on knives. (Cult)
84. Kai plans to have his sister Winter carry the new Messiah baby by having Kai inseminate Samuels while Samuels is inseminating Winter. When they prepare to do the ritual, Kai puts on All 4 One's "I Swear," but Samuels can't get erect and it's called off. (Cult)
85. Kai tells his followers that the members of People's Temple didn't stay dead after drinking the poison; they were resurrected by Jesus Christ. (Cult)
    

    

86. Venable feeds the people living at Outpost 3 stew made of Stu. (Apocalypse)
    
87. Venable and Mead attempt to torture Gallant by chaining him up and whipping him, but Gallant just gets aroused. (Apocalypse)
88. Gallant thinks he's hooking up with and ultimately killing Rubber Man, but then realizes he has killed his grandmother Evie. (Apocalypse)
89. Michael builds a hyperrealistic cyborg that looks like his Satanist caretaker Miriam Mead. (Apocalypse)
90. Michael rescues Madison from her personal hell: working at a department store and having to deal with customer returns. (Apocalypse)
91. Coco's first two magical powers are detecting gluten and knowing how many calories are in a piece of food. (Apocalypse)
92. Billy Eichner and Evan Peters play characters who have to wear these wigs and do cocaine from a ladle. (Apocalypse)
    

    

93. Michael isn't sure what to do as the Antichrist so briefly considers just trying to follow the plot of The Omen 3. (Apocalypse)
94. Mallory tests out her time-travel powers by attempting to save Anastasia Romanov, who was apparently a witch, but Malloy fails. (Apocalypse)
95. Miriam Mead tries to kill the witches by unscrewing her bionic arm to reveal a machine gun, but Cordelia uses magic to make Mead explode. When Madison tries to use the arm to shoot Michael, he makes her head explode. (Apocalypse)
96. Trevor shares that he was in the original version of the Jane Fonda workout video but they had to reshoot it without him because Trevor's large penis was too distracting. (1984)
97. Richard Ramirez woos Montana by killing one of her aerobics students who insulted her choice to play Billy Idol in class. (1984)
98. Donna follows her father, expecting to find evidence of him cheating on her mother, but instead finds a disemboweled women -- one of the many victims of her serial killer dad. Upon realizing he's been caught, Donna's dad kills himself in front of her. (1984)
99. Brooke loses her virginity to the ghost of Ray, but doesn't realize Ray's dead until they find his decapitated head in the fridge afterwards. (1984)
100. Satan resurrects the Night Stalker, who then resurrects Mr. Jingles, and the two set off on a very twisted take on a buddy-comedy road trip. (1984)

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