Twin Peaks: The Return (of Another Fan-Favorite)

We don't always get what we want. Whether that thing is a #1 crush, a dream job, the love and respect of our children... Sometimes the universe is like "NOPE, not today." But then, sometimes, you do get what you want, and in the case of Twin Peaks, that thing is Audrey Horne! As one of the most iconic characters from the original run, Sherilyn Fenn's character has been crucial to this saga and its aesthetic and during this revival more than a few of us have been like, "Uh, where's Audrey?!" Well friends, she's back, she's in cashmere, and she's sassing a beleaguered lover like it's her job. Let's talk about "Part 12" of The Return!

When The X-Files began in 1993, its noirish exploration of FBI investigations owed at least a little to Twin Peaks, so it felt especially weird that this version of Twin Peaks just went straight-up X-Files on us. It's like a snake eating its own tail! (Oh wait, no, that was Millennium.)

Though we had surmised that Blue Rose was a top-secret division of the FBI that investigates paranormal occurrences, this week Gordon (David Lynch) and Albert (Miguel Ferrer) made it explicit when they deputized Tammy Preston (Chrysta Bell) as an official member. She was so excited about this she could barely sip the glass of wine they'd toasted in her honor. I feel like for an FBI agent, it is either the worst or best day of your life when you are promoted to spook-catcher. But the deputizations didn't end there!

Diane (Laura Dern) herself was also officially made a member of the team, though this came with some reservations as Diane was clearly still working with Evil Cooper somehow, and I guess Gordon wanted to see where that was going. Still, what a great foursome! Perhaps The X-Files should take some notes from this and add Laura Dern to its next revival season!

Then Jerry Horne (David Patrick Kelly) ran out of the woods screaming. Why? Because Jerry gotta Jerry! Also he's unwell. Or high. Either way, he's doing pretty well compared to many of the other residents of Twin Peaks.

Sarah Palmer (Grace Zabriskie), for example, could barely finish her vodka shopping spree when a display of beef jerky caused her to have a complete meltdown at the checkout aisle. I have done worse over less, so this is a judgement-free zone here. Still, worried about her!

Sheriff Truman's brother Sheriff Truman (Robert Forster) paid Ben Horne (Richard Beymer) a visit mostly to bestow bad news: His grandson Richard Horne (Eamon Ferren) had murdered a child and also attempted to murder a witness to said child murder. Ben Horne was not thrilled to hear about all this, and instructed Beverly (Ashley Judd) to, like, send fruit baskets to everyone. (Also to pay for the poor woman's medical expenses, which was nice.) He also used the opportunity to tell Sheriff Truman about the key that had been mailed to him... Agent Cooper's (Kyle MacLachlan) hotel room key from back in the day. Yes, Sheriff Truman already kind of suspected something has been going on regarding Agent Cooper, but this just added to the mystery. It's now pretty much only a matter of time before everyone just puts on their hiking boots and meets up in the Black Lodge, you know?

I loved this part where Gordon was on a date with a sexy French lady, and when Albert arrived to have an important meeting it took her like 15 minutes just to finally depart. Definitely one of those moments where the longer the sequence ran the funnier it got. Albert looked so annoyed!

Jennifer Jason Leigh and Tim Roth were still up to no good, and in this case "no good" entailed eating Cheetos and assassinating a corrupt prison warden/beloved father. Everyone's gotta have hobbies!

Our long-promised Audrey Horne resurrection was surprisingly uneventful! The (long) scene involved Audrey shouting at her beleaguered husband Charlie (Clark Middleton) about how she wanted a divorce, and also where was her true LOVER Billy? I don't know who Billy is, but he might be the same Billy that the dude in the RR Diner was looking for a few episodes back? And also the same Billy that the random Roadhouse people discuss at the end of this episode? Look, I don't know, it was just nice to see Audrey again! She didn't explicitly mention whether she'd been sexually assaulted while in a coma and then gave birth to Richard Horne, so that is a mystery for another time. Her husband, however, was delightful.

Just so put-upon and frowny from her abuse. Love him. Also the part where he made a phone call to get information, then refused to tell her what it was, and he just stared at her for a long time, was classic Twin Peaks. Sometimes it's not even important what is happening, just how.

Even though Diane is ostensibly helping the feds track down Evil Cooper, she's still sorta in cahoots with him, and one display of cahoots in this episode (what are cahoots) involved her texting him about Las Vegas and then Googling the coordinates that had been scrawled on the dead body's arm last week. Those coordinates ended up being... You guessed it.

And if they're the same ones Major Briggs attempted to direct Bobby toward, then I have a feeling they're more specifically coordinates to the Black Lodge. How bout you?

Before the episode concluded with an encore performance by the Chromatics, we saw a trio of Roadhouse patrons bickering about this unseen Billy character again. But who was he? Why was he missing? Why does everyone need him so badly? And is this a regular FBI mystery or a Blue Rose FBI mystery? Folks, you'll have to look at Episode 13 and beyond for those answers.

"Part 12" was a fun, if inessential-seeming hour of television. It was great to revisit Audrey and Sarah Palmer, among other familiar faces, but this one felt like an hour of hangtime rather than a forward-moving story. Hopefully it's all necessary setup for the next six hours. Come on, universe, let's stick this landing!

Twin Peaks airs Sundays at 9/8c on Showtime.

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