Wayward Pines: Two Baby Bombshells Drop in "Pass Judgment"

Wayward Pines' "Pass Judgment" took us all over town. After last week's tense hour in the lab, this week's episode seemed determined to visit every set in the Wayward Pines world, from a secret bunker to the school to the roof tops of Main Street. Shout out to Margaret (Rochelle Okoye) for her insane tumbling, prat falling and forest skittering--and all done in a hospital gown! Wayward Pines' brown shirts -- a force armed with guns, walkie talkies and computer mapping -- spent the entire episode trying to catch up to her.

But before we could get into the episode-long game of hide and seek we learned a key plot point from Yedlin: Kerry can't have babies! And you know what that means for Wayward Pines: into the trash she goes. Kerry kept her head held high, but Kacey Rohl did an amazing job of capturing her struggle beneath the surface when she received the news.

Then we rolled straight into Abbie On The Loose! alert. Phones started ringing off their hooks and that overworked PSA system told everyone to get indoors and stay there. I have to say, for a fascist dystopia, Wayward Pines does a terrible job of getting people to follow directions. Even the school kids were ditching out despite the "Highest Possible Alert: Deadly Monster Incoming" status of the town.

It was kind of hilarious that teens were sneaking out into the woods to have sex when I'm pretty sure their senior project is getting pregnant, but sure, fine. Margaret didn't seem to care much either.

Lucy demanded Frank take her across town to the Beauty Shoppe because Rebecca just makes her feel better about things. Rebecca makes a lot of people feel better about things, apparently. In our second baby news bombshell of the evening, we found out she was carrying Xander's child! So they're married, having a baby, and have amazing chemistry. Paging Dr. Third Wheel, Dr. Theo Third Wheel.

Xander was putting down the gumballs and picking up the fire power this episode, putting together a small civilian force to take up the weapons he'd hidden in between his boxes of Twizzlers and Pop Rocks and hunt the Abbie themselves. Arlene, who had been dozing in a hair dryer up at the Beauty Shoppe where this DIY militia met up, totally stole the scene.

I love Siobhan Fallon Hogan so damn much, guys. Her delivery always knocks me out. If I had a billion dollars and no social conscience I would commission a third season of this madness that focused on Arlene finding love amongst the rubble of Wayward Pines like an apocalyptic Bridget Jones. Alas.

Meanwhile, Rebecca hastened off to the mountain to get the original Wayward Pines blueprints in order to figure out how Margaret had infiltrated the city in the first place. While rifling through the Western Civilization Room, she got in a little girl talk in with Kerry. It was basically about how Kerry needed to stop defining herself as Mrs. Jason and be her own person, that she had value in and of herself. In the context of Kerry just learning she could not have kids (and thus might shortly lose Jason), this was actually exactly what she needed to hear and a genuinely touching moment.

Speaking of emotional hotties, Megan got that greatest of tributes -- a tearful eulogy from a hunk -- with Jason quietly holding her hand and talking about how much she had guided him all along. Sure, the body under the sheet was just an extra, but considering how much every main character in both seasons has hated Megan, it was sort of sweet that the one person in town who actually missed her had a moment.

Out in the woods, Theo was tracking a bloody trail with Adam "Ole Beardy" Hassler they hoped would lead to Margaret, who had appeared to have been shot while leaping across rooftops on main street. However, the trail of blood led instead to a bled-out soldier she'd dragged through the woods to send them in the wrong direction. It's not like the idiots of Wayward Pines need much help looking and aiming in the wrong direction, though. The same vigilantes Xander had just armed crossed paths with some soldiers and immediately two people were down on the ground from friendly fire.

Yikes. Maybe the town of Wayward Pines deserves to die out, if both their military and civilians are this disorganized. When there's something like seven heavily armed people in a cul de sac, and one target darts off into the woods, they stand in a circle and fire at each other? Come on dudes. Not to mention the fact that just prior to this, the entire Wayward Pines army stood there and shot at Margaret from about 15 feet away and still missed. Do they not do target practice drills? Or is the Wayward Pines army just one big WWll cosplay club? Get it together, guys.

With a soldier shot and a civilian vigilante killed, things quickly evolved into a high-strung standoff, which was when Theo showed up with his almost magical ability to be as blasé as humanly possible. I love how the hero in this series is not a guy running around shouting with a gun but a curmudgeonly doctor who is just truly fed up with all the drama and wants everyone to calm down and be decent to each other, for crying out loud. Reasonable, common sense decency is the kind of heroism we always need more of.

Meanwhile, a few streets over, the one person in town not looking for Margaret managed to run smack into her. But then when she clenched her abdomen Margaret did, like, a wizard-hand gesture? Like she was Darth Vader-ing the unborn baby with her magic hand or something?

Yes, while Theo was saving the lives of strangers, Xander was there to defend Rebecca's unborn baby from swirly-scar hand magic or whatever was going on there. I think Xander and Rebecca (dare I call them RANDER) is getting back together. #TeamRander! Zazzle store with RANDER swag opening soon.

Theo would have much to say later about Xander's heedless choice to arm Wayward Pines civilians but Rebecca was like, "Tell that to my ovaries. One of you can protect my young and give me free candy, the other is still sore about a fight we had 2,000 years ago. Guess who I'm staying married to." But I'm getting ahead of myself. Another couple had some drama to work out, in a secret bunker.

With the Abbies still thronging outside the wall, Jason revealed his third string back up plan: he and Kerry would be safe in this bunker, pumping out babies like Adam and Eve. Kerry, acting with a lot of courage and honesty, confessed that she couldn't have children, and Jason was actually incredibly supportive.

Jason continues to be a weirdly complicated big bad, and their relationship seemed genuine for the first time? I caught feelings, basically.

Out in the woods, Adam caught Margaret about to swan dive down a drainpipe and decided he may as well just follow her in.

Jason, Rebecca and company had figured out the drainpipe was the way into town from the outside by this point (and that Abbies could dig, which they didn't know before) and decided to collapse the pipe with grenades, which, good call. Meanwhile, Adam and Margaret came through into Abbie Country where she totally gave him a pass.

Like some sort of horrible gollum Pietà, Margaret was surrounded by Abbies tenderly nursing her wounds, including her busted swirly hand.

As we head toward the finale, it seems like we're on the brink of full-on Abbie vs. human war. Is that a war that can be won? Doubtful. But as viewers, we can't lose! (Sorry couldn't resist.)

QUESTIONS...

... Will Jason cast Kerry aside or keep her as Mrs. Bad Guy?

... When will Rebecca break it to Theo that she's having a baby with Xander, and will Theo rebound with Arlene?

... Margaret: will she declare full-out war on the humans? (Do they even need to at this point or can they just starve them out?)