Makenzie Makenzie

Just when you thought it was safe to go to a kiddie pageant...

Last night, the reason we need Child Protective Services returned to once again remind the world that terrible parents come in all shapes and sizes. Granted, Toddlers & Tiaras, the look inside the world of weird pre-pubescent beauty competitions, has always been a spectacle of sparkles, stage moms and the brats they're breeding, but the fourth season opener took things to a whole nasty new level.

By focusing on the carefully edited "rivalry" between six-year-old blonde Eden and five year-old MaKenzie, the much-discussed over-indulged terror from last season, T&T not only played into the gross concept that it's OK to pit young girls against one another, it illuminated just how harmful it can be when mothers turn their daughters into currency. Jacking the youngin's up with Red Bull and Pixie Stix, fitting them with fake teeth and encouraging the kind of vanity eating disorders are made of, MaKenzie and Eden's moms were clearly more interested in winning the grand prize than worrying about the price their spawn may pay down the line. Call us prudes, but it's just a bit much to see a second grader dressed like a mini Madonna and grinding on stage for a crowd of creepy adults. How is that being a kid?!

Trust us ladies, allowing your little ones to have an actual childhood — filled with sleepovers and skinned knees instead of spray tans and hair extensions — is worth way more than $1000 and a glitzed-out pink canopy bed even Liberace would have found gauche.

Can you stomach Toddlers & Tiaras? Or would you rather not see kids pimped out like this?

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