Um, I hate to break it to ABC,...

Um, I hate to break it to ABC, but the wives are becoming less desperate and more psychotic. Seriously, I understand the horror of a messy house, but Lynette's releasing a rat in her own home to "bend Tom to her will" has me fearing that she shares a few too many attributes with certain serial killers who tortured animals in their youth. Then there's Susan "accidentally" backing her car over Edie. Unless it was the Suzanne Somers roller-disco finery that sent her into a rage blackout. That I can understand. Otherwise, nobody deserves a broken tibia just for shacking up with her neighbor's ex. Who, by the way, is aging very nicely. Well done, Richard Burgi. (Now give 'Cooler's Rhoda Charles a call, would ya? She wants to uh, talk about In Her Shoes. Yeah, that's it.) I'll give a break to Gaby and Bree, though. Bree is in enough trouble now that the Arzt guy who blew up on Lost is keeping tabs on her coziness with crazy George, and Gaby is so going to get what she deserves for subjecting Carlos to prison bitchery just to win control of her finances. Plus the sight of our widow Van De Kamp clocking her whiney mother-in-law was delicious. And I'm not even married. Unlike Betty, Wisteria's biggest wacko. As glad as I am to hear that it's her bastard of an abusive hubby in those shackles downstairs instead of a random stranger or the not-so-late Mr. Huber or something, it's still pretty out there, you know? Thankfully, the glory that is Alfre Woodard gives me hope that we can expect more than just a loony Lifetime-movie mess once Mr. Applewhite busts loose.

(To watch our exclusive interviews with the Desperate Housewives stars, click here.)