In his post-Roseanne years, comedian Tom Arnold has salvaged his career by wisecracking on Best Damn Sports Show Period and stealing scenes in movies like True Lies and Cradle 2 the Grave (opening tomorrow). Eager to keep whatever street cred he's got, he refuses to appear on reality TV.
"If I were on one of these reality shows, I don't think they'd let me act anymore," Arnold admits. "I get asked to do them all. The reason I don't do them is because I would like to attempt to be in movies."
What sort of trashy TV gigs has he been offered? "Celebrity Mole Hawaii," he moans, adding, "I was afraid that people would have to take their shirts off. I don't do anything where I have to take my shirt off." Sound judgement, Tom.
Arnold says he also was asked to judge Are You Hot? "They explained to my agent that I would be judging people on their bodies," he says, "so immediately, I am out of that one. It's brutal. They have a laser pointer that Lorenzo Lamas points at people's thighs and criticizes them. Honest to God, I would literally rather be working in a meat packing plant for nine dollars an hour than do that job."
Arnold's most offensive offer came from Fox, the network that airs Sports Show. "They tried so hard to get me to do Celebrity Boxing," he sighs. "[Fox] offered me a script deal, they offered me a couple hundred thousand dollars, and the whole time I'm thinking, 'This is what the people at Fox think of me?'
"And then, they wanted me to fight a woman," he says, clearly exasperated. "They wanted me to fight Chyna the wrestler. No matter what happens, how can that come out well? But just to show how much they respect me at Fox, Joey Buttafuoco did it [instead]."