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Today's column was written by Matt Webb Mitovich.CRAPPY BIRTHDAY

Madonna celebrated her 47th birthday on Tuesday by, no, not changing religions again, but by falling off a horse in a riding accident at her country home outside London. The Material Girl, who suffered three cracked ribs a broken collarbone and a broken hand, was taken by her husband, Guy Ritchie, to an undisclosed hospital where she was treated and released. Her faux British accent is expected to make a full recovery.

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Madonna celebrated her 47th birthday on Tuesday by, no, not changing religions again, but by falling off a horse in a riding accident at her country home outside London. The Material Girl, who suffered three cracked ribs a broken collarbone and a broken hand, was taken by her husband, Guy Ritchie, to an undisclosed hospital where she was treated and released. Her faux British accent is expected to make a full recovery.