SUNDAY

60 Minutes
I'll leave the story about the lack of armored vehicles and other equipment in Iraq alone, since that's not really what you come here for. Just one word, though: Vote.

Moving on, now we know the Ashlee Simpson lip-sync flub was due to her being worried about losing her voice, which doesn't clear up why she tried to weasel out by blaming her poor band. And Lorne Michaels, despite the audio people who undoubtedly had to be in on the setup in order for it to work, didn't know she was planning to do that. As both he and Dr. Evil would say, riiiiight.

Cold Case
The girl spots her murdered mom's bracelet on eBay, suggests that the person selling it might provide a lead, and that makes her "smart as a whip"? Even I could've come up with that — and I'm an idiot.

Proof of that: I'll admit this episode kept me guessing; I had no idea it was the construction boss all along.

But did we really have to see the actual boot-licking? And does Lilly really have to be a lonely cat lady deep inside?

The Wire
So when the cops drop the dealers out in the middle of the woods and tell them to use the star by the Dipper to find their way home, what makes them think the kids know how to find the Dipper? Oh, right — that's the whole point.

Anyway, remember the Robert Burns line about the best-laid schemes o' mice and men leaving us naught but grief and pain? I don't know where the mice are, but the men have been busy laying their plans in and we're seeing the grief and pain now. Stringer's real-estate business is hitting the world of inspection delays and palm-greasing; Bunny's faced with a little old lady who loves her house. Still, it's all fine until the shooting starts — and it just did. Which means now it's McNulty's turn to scheme.

And the scene between Omar and Bunk? That's acting. That's writing. And that's why I'm watching this show.

Desperate Housewives
Uh... what kind of Neighborhood Watch patrols during the day? A lame one, I think.

How come the hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold has a cell phone, and Susan doesn't?

I don't believe Mike would go for Elvis Costello.

SATURDAY

Saturday Night Live
Eminem, having just released a hard-hitting new video, is set to perform. Ashlee Simpson, having just been hit hard for her "performance" last week, is sure to be mocked. So I'm right here watching. Turns out Horatio Sanz as Elton John could've been nastier in slamming the younger Simpson. And Eminem without the video was a letdown (though, to be fair, I'm not a fan to begin with). But for my money, it's always worth tuning in for Robert Smigel's "Fun with Real Audio," and his fun with John McCain did not disappoint.

FRIDAY

Joan of Arcadia
I think Mascot God is one of my favorites, megaphone or no megaphone, though I don't like when any of the divine incarnations wander off type. Like when Mascot God, who should be all about happy-happy, manages to harsh Joan's A-plus Econ buzz and makes her feel bad. That's more like Jewish-mom God.

But wait... is Annie Potts hitting on Will? I mean, when someone of the opposite sex immediately zeroes in on wife questions, it's one of two things: She has a high enough opinion of you to wonder about who you chose to marry, or a low enough one to wonder who was desperate enough to settle for you. I'm betting it's the former here.

As for Judith telling Joan she "deserves" a piercing? Funny word that — especially when it's foreshadowing for Joan's trip to Eliot Spitzer-ville.

And if you weren't at least a little touched by Grace's Alateen scene, you have no heart. If you didn't at least chuckle when Adam agreed that Joan is a horrible human being, you have no sense of humor. And if you weren't at least a little sickened by Joan's oozing belly-button infection, you have no stomach.

Star Trek: Enterprise
I'm predisposed to like this show, being a fan of the original and the genre overall. So please take that into account when I say the theme song still really, really sucks. (And whenever I see T'Pol, I get T'Pau's "Heart and Soul" stuck in my head, though that's not the producers' fault, certainly. And yes, I'm aware of where that band's name came from.)

With that out of the way, anyone ever see Blade Runner? Me, too. And so did Alec Newman (Malik), judging by his Roy Batty act. Though that's not a problem as long as whatever borrows from it is entertaining. And while this show's had its ups and downs, this is an up, despite the Orion auctioneer's mustache-twirling laugh.

Only, Archer and company knew they'd be hunting a group of super-strong, -fast and -smart beings. What did they think would happen when they found them? And the larger question (and I'm sure one of the more vocal fans will tell me): Was that the first kick to the onions in franchise history?