Shia LaBeouf Gives a Ridiculous Play-By-Play of His Cabaret Arrest

"You seem to have gone crazy since the last time I saw you," Jimmy Kimmel told Shia LaBeouf on Monday's Jimmy Kimmel Live. "Yeah, I guess I have," the actor joked back.

The host then prompted LaBeouf to explain one of his more recent incidents, in which the Transformers star was arrested at Cabaret show in June, and LaBeouf didn't hold back.

After a long-winded retelling of getting drunk while watching the World Cup and why he was chasing a homeless man in Times Square, LaBeouf explained that he ran into a Cabaret dancer who invited him to see the musical.

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"I'm really good and drunk at this point. I make it into the theater, so I get into the theater, and the set-up is an old club," LaBeouf recalled. "In this show, they had tables and there were all these women in burlesque. I'm like, 'Oh, this really is a kind of party or something.' So, I'm walking to my seat and on my way to this seat, I see that there's this bar over here. I'm like, 'Yeah, sure, I'll have another drink, because I need one.' So I get another double whiskey and I sit at my seat and there's these two beautiful 50-year-old women. I say, 'Oh, yeah! Tonight's the night, ladies! What's it going to be? What do you want to drink?' They look at me like, 'Don't talk to me.' So I take it as a sign that they want exactly what I'm drinking.

"I turn around and go back to the bar and I get two more double whiskeys. And while I'm at the bar, there's a fruit plate, and I'm like, 'Well, this is a really nice thing to just be offering fruit like this.' So I start taking fruit off the fruit plate and I start feeding this other woman who looks about 50, 60, so now I'm feeding this woman strawberries and I forget I'm even in the show anymore. After that finishes, I walk back to my seat with these drinks and I put the drinks down and they don't want nothing to do with it. So I say, 'Alright! Well, you don't want nothing to do with 'em, so I'll have 'em.'"

At that point, Cabaret star Alan Cumming comes on stage smoking a cigarette and LaBeouf recalled thinking to himself, "Oh, it's that kind of party. Perfect. I want to have a cigarette too," and began to smoke.

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"Alan Cumming walks past me and I forget all about that again, and all I'm thinking about is the leather pants and him winking at me. He walks past, so I give him a slap on the ass, because I think he deserves it," he continued. "He's the sexiest man I've ever seen. I don't just slap it slap it. I grabbed him — like, I grabbed a whole cheek because I wanted the party right here in my pants. I wanted the whole party. So he finds a way to wiggle out of my Hercules grip and I'm a little disappointed about it, so I think it's time to have another cigarette."

LaBeouf said he put out the cigarette after security came by. "Anyway, we get to intermission and a person tells me, 'There's another party outside,'" he said. "I'm thinking, 'Oh! Well OK!' And I see six cops having their own party."

The cops arrest him and take him to the station, where LaBeouf realized "I'm not supposed to be here," he said. "I get in there and this dude says, 'Whitey's here. Time for snitching.' And I thought, 'Oh, no.' So my possum is like, 'You gotta do something, man. You gotta do something or you're gonna die in here.' So I turn into Tupac," LaBeouf said. "Now I'm ripping my shirt off and I'm doing push-ups like, 'Don't mess with me, dawg.  I'm crazy, you know what I'm saying?' The guy's like, 'What are you in here for?' I'm like, 'Cabaret, homie. Cabaret.' Anyway, so then they fingerprint me and do the whole business and I'm like, 'I gotta get out of this little cell with these six dudes.' I'm trippin'. So I figure, I'm gonna spit on this cop's shoe. That's my way out. So I spit on his shoe and I'm lookin' at him, and it was [my way out]. He put a mask on me, a Hannibal mask, and a LED jacket, and ushered me into my private little dwelling, where I sat for 25 hours. Then they gave me a McDonald's egg sandwich."