Sheryl Crow Plays Hard to Get

Chris Isaak has had little trouble populating his eponymous Showtime series with big-name guests. For the show's upcoming third season, debuting in October, the wicked gamer has recruited Oakland A's pitcher Barry Zito, and pop stars Michelle Branch and Gloria Estefan. However, one celeb on his most-wanted list is proving a rather tough get: Sheryl Crow.

"She's booked until the year 2040," Isaak says of the singer, adding, "She has a disorder. It's a sickness called work disorder. I work more than anybody, and Sheryl Crow is trying to work more than me — and it's making me sick.

"Because of her disorder, she can't even take an evening off," he continues, in full-tilt deadpan mode. "She goes from one job to an opening, from an opening to a benefit, from a benefit to co-hosting. And on her way home, she stops and does a voiceover someplace."

Despite her hectic schedule and "advanced" age — she's 41, or in this era of jailbait pop tarts, fossilized — Crow still manages to look babelicious. Does Isaak know his crush's secret? No. But he does have a theory. "She's in Hollywood. They have some kind of special treatment they're giving her. They're probably taking a baby calf liver, grinding it up into a purée, and rubbing it over her body to make it all taut and tanned."