Lindsay Lohan by Dimitrious Kambouris/WireImage.com Lindsay Lohan by Dimitrious Kambouris/WireImage.com

At last, the circle is complete: Following her DUI arrest, the LAPD's revelation that coke was found at the scene of her car wreck and her very public post-clubbing catnap, Lindsay Lohan has checked herself into Britney Spears' rehab center of choice, Promises in Malibu, TMZ.com reports. In response, former View debater and sometime poetess Rosie O'Donnell has been looking for a word that rhymes with crackhead, and LiLo's publicist issued the following statement: "Lindsay admitted herself to an intensive medical rehabilitation facility on Memorial Day. Because this is a medical matter, it is our hope that the press will appreciate the seriousness of the situation and respect the privacy of Lindsay as well as the other patients receiving treatment at the facility." Yeah, good luck with that.

In related news, Variety says Lohan somehow has been cast, along with Rosario Dawson and Channing Tatum, in the Geritol gangsters comedy Poor Things, starring Shirley MacLaine and Olympia Dukakis and beginning filming... oh yeah, today! Something tells me they're gonna be running behind schedule right from the start. TMZ.com says, contrary to talk that Lindz will be shuttled back and forth from rehab to work, she won't be available for a month.

Update: LiLo's daddy Michael Lohan, ever the spotlight hogger, has revealed to E! which drugs his daughter is trying to kick. According to her father - who is studying to be a substance-abuse counselor - the starlet's addictions include alcohol and the popular pain killer OxyContin. "First she needs to get clean, then she needs to let God in her life," said her papa. Then she needs to go out and buy a pair of decent parents.