Miss Piggy's Dark Confessions

We always thought of Miss Piggy's golden locks as being kind of like the ages of Bart and Lisa Simpson or the recipe for Coca-Cola Classic — perfect and unchanging. Then, the natural-born trendsetter went and dyed her fair hair brown, setting off shock waves that continue to reverberate within the style-conscious entertainment community. Why did she do it, and where will the fallout end? To find out, TVGuide.com questioned the formerly blonde bombshell, and in so doing dared to light her notoriously short fuse.
TVGuide.com: After all these years as a golden girl, what inspired you to dye your hair? Or are you a natural brunette?
Miss Piggy: Why the change? It was bold. It was different. It was dark, and I couldn't see what I was doing. As for moi's natural hair color, I hear Dan Brown is working on a new book called The Diva Code to get the answer to that one.

TVG: Aren't you afraid that now you'll get stopped on the street by people mistaking you for Catherine Zeta-Jones?
Miss Piggy: "Zeets," as moi calls her, and I are very close friends. And it is true that we are often mistaken for each other. Naturally, we're both flattered by the comparison, though one on one, I can whup her any day.

TVG: Speaking of peers you can whup, how steamed are you going to be when Jessica Simpson and Heather Locklear and Cameron Diaz all copy your new look?
Miss Piggy: When one achieves a pinnacle of celebritude like moi has, one grows used to other celebrities copying one's every trendsetting act. I take it as a compliment... although that doesn't preclude legal action if necessary.

TVG: Did playing the Wicked Witch of the West in The Muppets' Wizard of Oz help you to get in touch with your, ahem, dark side?
Miss Piggy: Playing the Wicked Witch was the greatest acting challenge of moi's entire illustrious career. Being mean, nasty, difficult and irrational is so unlike who moi really is. Don't vous agree?

TVG: [Awkward silence]
Miss Piggy: Well, don't vous?!

TVG: Um, well...
Miss Piggy: C'mon, don't make me go wicked on you!

TVG: Absolutely. Now then, what kind of Miss Piggy bloopers can we look forward to when the Wizard DVD is released in August?
Miss Piggy: What an excellent question! Since moi never actually makes mistakes or, as you call them, "bloopers," I have to have them written for me... complete with stunts, special effects and so forth. So, while the movie is ready, we're still in pre-production on moi's blooper reel. But it'll be there in August, and worth the wait.

TVG: The first season of The Muppet Show is coming out on DVD at the same time. Will it be strange for you to see yourself so young again?
Miss Piggy: I have a confession to make to vous today. It's an exclusive, so you may want to break into regular programming or whatever it is you do.

TVG: Oh, juicy! Somebody stop the presses... Wait. What do we do when we get an exclusive on the Internet? Never mind. Go ahead.
Miss Piggy: All right, here goes: Moi is actually too young to have been on the first season of The Muppet Show. But the public clamor has been so great that with a little help from George Lucas, they have added a computer-generated version of moi to all the first season DVDs. So, if Jar Jar Binks turns up in the middle of a Muppet Show musical number, it's just a teensy glitch.

TVG: A small price to pay, all things considered. Since your relationship with Kermit the Frog has been heavily scrutinized for eons, I've got to get your perspective on Tom and Katie. Is their romance for real?
Miss Piggy: In Hollywood, true love means never having to say "What do you mean my picture is buried on page 18 of the tabloids?" So yes, moi believes that Tom and Katie have something real. And you gotta love the coverage.

TVG: Now that you've made brunette fun, what trend will you be setting next?
Miss Piggy: Unauthorized autobiographies. Watch for it.

TVG: Thanks, Piggy. As always, it was a pleasure.
Miss Piggy: Kissy! Kissy!