Jimmy Kimmel: Oscar Is the Best Male Role Model in Hollywood Because He Has No Penis

Jimmy Kimmel had the tough task of opening 90th Academy Awards with a monologue that made people laugh but also addressed the "sea of change" sweeping Hollywood over the past year.

Kimmel succeeded in that delicate task, calling out names like Harvey Weinstein and alluding to Kevin Spacey being replaced by Christopher Plummer in All the Money in the World. He gave props to movements like #MeToo and Times Up -- but he hit the ball out of the park with a joke about Oscar himself.

"Oscar is 90 years old tonight, which means he's probably at home right now watching Fox News," Kimmel said to the iconic gold statue. "No, Oscar is here with us. After all the years, all the awards given for show business, Oscar is still number one. Oscar is the most beloved and respected man in Hollywood and here's the reason why: He keeps his hands where you can see them, he never says a rude word and no penis at all."

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Jimmy's monologue also called attention to many of the Best Picture nominees, including Shape of Water and Call Me By Your Name. The latter of which he pointed out didn't make a lot of money --only two of the Best Picture nominees made over $100 million and were all trounced by Black Panther at the box office this past weekend -- but financial gain isn't why movies like Call Me By Your Name happen. They happen to piss off Vice President Mike Pence.

Kimmel also invited all Oscar winners to give whatever speech they wanted with whatever political angle they chose.

"If you do win an Oscar tonight, we want you to give a speech and we want you to speak from the heart. You have an opportunity and a platform to remind people about important things like equal rights and equal treatment. If you want to encourage people to support the amazing students of Parkland at their march on the 20th, you can do that," the host encouraged. "If you want to thank a teacher, do that. Maybe you just want to thank your parents and tell your kids to go to sleep. You don't have to change the world. Do what you want."

However, there was a catch to the deal. Kimmel ended his monologue by promising that whoever gave the shortest speech a prize of an $18 thousand jet ski, presented by Academy Award winner Helen Mirren. Will that be enough to stop wordy Oscar winners from rambling? Only the rest of the show will tell.