Osbourne Kids Crash HBO Emmy Bash!

So what if HBO's 93 nominations amounted to nearly naught on Emmy night? Yes, they were robbed, but at least the cable net's stars licked their wounds in style at Wolfgang Puck's Spago in Beverly Hills. This annual bash is the post-Governor's Ball stop, and it's easy to see why: Where else can you find Tom Hanks, Ellen DeGeneres and Ozzy's kids all sipping cocktails in the same room?

How was Kelly Osbourne's first trip to the Emmys? "F---in' boring," the 18-year-old lamented. "And I'm sorry, but the red carpet s---s big b---s too. Who the f--- wants to wait in line to talk about themselves? You wait in line to get interviewed and talk about yourself! 'Hello, camera! Hi, take a picture of me, please!' It's so dumb."

Surprisingly, Jack was quite sweet and cordial. But the 16-year-old did agree with his trash-talkin' sis about the red carpet media circus. "It's definitely weird," he said. "I remember going to the Grammys back in '99 when Dad won. We hadn't even thought of doing the show yet. People who saw me then were just like, 'Whatever.' It's so weird how I remember photographers who were like, 'Who are you?' and now they're like, 'Oh my God, let me kiss your ass!' It's like, 'Whatever bro.'"

Six Feet Under mortician Freddy Rodriguez looked mournful about losing to West Winger John Spencer for supporting actor in a drama. While the cast's morale wasn't high in the wake of their losses, he kept a stiff upper lip: "Everyone was just happy to be here. This is our first year at the Emmys and we're nominated for so much... what more could you ask for? Yeah, it would've been great if we won, but we didn't and it's still good."

Just Shoot Me's Wendie Malick didn't win either, but Emmy's snubs don't faze this classy dame. Honestly honey, who could be depressed in an Esteban Ramos champagne-colored silk chantung gown? "I have fun now at the Emmys," Malick smiled. "It's like coming to this big, silly cocktail mixer dressed to the nines. You just can't wait until it's over, so you can all go drink."

And what if her jet-set fashionista, Nina Van Horn, were attending this Spago shindig instead of Malick? "Oh, she'd probably be remembered," the actress winks. "HBO's party is the most fun. Nina's dress would definitely have a slit going on to show some leg, and a cleavage thing. I'm a little more classic conservative than she is!"

Speaking of daring duds, Christian Slater personally approved wife Ryan's sexy Chloe gown — and six-inch Manolo Blahnik heels — before the party. "I'm the Joe DiMaggio of this relationship right here," he grinned. "But her toes are hurting. She's wearing chain mail on her feet!"

When the evening wound down, I joined DeGeneres and longtime girlfriend Alexandra Hedison at the valet curb, where paparazzi snapped photos of stars waiting for their cars. "These are the people trying to catch everybody looking haggard on the way out," Ellen chuckled, then observed: "Hey, I have this same carpet in my house, with HBO logos all over it."

As last year's hostess, how did Ellen rate Conan O'Brien's job as Emmy's emcee in 2002? "I thought Conan was great," she enthused. "I enjoyed it — and people can scrutinize anything and say he was this or that, but I thought he was funny."