OK, I don't know what's sicker: Charlie lying about being molested by his high-school gym teacher or Mac's jealousy over not getting a Roman Catholic bad touch of his own. "I was cute what was this p---- looking for?" OMG, these guys are so lucky this is their season finale, because 12 Hail Marys aren't going to be enough penance to undo this sin. Don't get me wrong, as a former altar boy and Bonner grad I know I should be offended, but as a current cretin, I practically laughed my dropped-jaw right off my face. That intervention with the doll? And Charlie's creepy uncle? Please, you so know that dude has a white windowless van filled with duct tape and comic books parked by a playground somewhere. The best-slash-worst part is that the accused was Mr. Belding! Which just goes to show that those two brothers who blackmailed Charlie into crying wolf were totally full of it. After all, you don't think Screech would have kept this under his 'fro, right? Damian J. Holbrook

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