The Office In honor of Steve Carell's Golden Globe win earlier this week, here's a little symphony of Michael Scott non sequiturs that will hopefully make you giggle even if you didn't see the episode. (Although seriously, why didn't you see it? Have I not been clear so far with my instructions?

Watch the show.) Anyway, here goes:

"Is that jacket made of updog?" "I could've used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic." "Peach iced tea. You're gonna hate it." "I put a cigarette through a freakin' quarter!" "I don't wanna live like that. I don't wanna be Shyla."

Bravo, sir. Bravo indeed. Now then, on to more pressing matters. Like the fact that Oscar doesn't have the flu, if you know what I mean. Or more importantly, that Michael's totally cheating on Chili's. With Hooters, no less. The Awesome Blossom (with extra awesome) must be heartbroken. And speaking of heartbroken, Jim's secret? Out of the bag. Call me naive, but I really thought Michael might be able to make it through the full half hour without spilling the beans. Stupid, I know. The good news is, even with word of Jim's crippling Pam-crush out there in the Dunder-Mifflin ether, those two crazy kids are no closer to actually doing anything about it than they were in Episode 1. Which is precisely where things need to stay if I'm gonna continue to get my yearn on week after week. Embrace the pain, folks, 'cause you know it hurts so good.

Can I gush about my ever-growing love for Jim for just a sec? Did anybody notice that he brown-bagged a ham-and-cheese sandwich, and then when Michael convinced him to go out for lunch, our adorable lovelorn pup actually ordered a ham-and-cheese sandwich? Loyalty: always an admirable quality in a fictitious TV boyfriend.