Navy NCIS CBS already has a cop...

Navy NCIS
CBS already has a cop show with a funny title and criminalists doing lots of flashy forensics work. It's called CSI. Click. Wait, let me just say, Mark Harmon looks great with white hair. Still studly, after all these years. But I'm still clickin' back over to Gilmore Girls.

Gilmore Girls
This week's episode was so much better than last week's stressfest. Why? Lorelai and Rory deal with all that separation anxiety by having some actual fun. On Rory's first night at Yale, her too-cool-to-be-real mom invites the whole dorm to a pizza party. "Bring some music!" she tells the coeds. "But if it's Evanescence, you'll be severely mocked." Nice one. But how can Lorelai's antics — like singing into a hairbrush microphone — not embarrass Rory? C'mon, she's a teenage girl being upstaged by her mom, in front of all her new gal pals! How can Rory ever live up to such coolness? Lorelai is just like Shirley MacLaine, stealing thunder from daughter Meryl Streep in Postcards from the Edge. Am I right? Speaking of divas, the high-maintenance Paris — who hires an Oprah-style life strategist and pulls strings to become Rory's surprise roommate! — was classic.

Whoopi
NBC is king of shameless plugs! Last week, Rosario gave Whoopi a mention on Will &#038 Grace. Now, Nassim comes out as a fan of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on Whoopi. In case you didn't know, NBC owns Bravo. Enough already! That said, I love how every week, Mavis Rae serenades Nassim with a few bars of "Don't Hide Love," her one-hit wonder from the '80s. "I cannot resist that song," the Persian handyman says. "I'm like a cobra in a basket." Strangely, so am I! C'mon, Whoopi, when are we gonna get to hear the whole thing? I know it's a fictional ditty, but still. It's the funniest fake song since Phoebe introduced us to "Smelly Cat" on Friends.

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
Speaking of Queer Eye, my mom and I watched this week's installment over the phone. (We're in different states, but we both live in the MCI Neighborhood. You know?) First off, Mom thinks the series is called Gay Guys for the Straight Guy. Um, no. She's always mixing up the titles of TV shows and movies. Drives me crazy! But Mom was dead-on about Butch, this week's 26-year-old makeover subject. "I have my doubts about whether he's really straight," she said. "There was just something about him. Maybe it's just because he's an artist. They tend to be more sensitive. But he sure did not appreciate Carson trying to unbutton his trousers for him!" More on men who confuse our gaydar below...

Frasier
For years, people have joked that Kelsey Grammer's straight-yet-painfully-effete Frasier Crane seems gay. It may've taken 11 seasons to get there, but how clever and gutsy of the show to acknowledge this — and actually do a whole episode about it! Of course, they're pretty safe, this being the age of the "metrosexual." Still, leave it to this classy show to find a fresh angle for making fun of Dr. Crane's fussy, social-climbing ways, but without doing it at the expense of gays. On most other sitcoms, the laughs would've come cheap and hurtful. But guys like me felt they were laughing with us, not at us, in this episode. Oh, and casting Patrick Stewart as Frasier's "dream man" — an opera bigwig with a British accent and Pavarotti's number on speed dial — was a nice touch. I'm predicting GLAAD awards all around!

One Tree Hill
Hey! I just spotted an editing flub. During the big game scene, did you see that cute background extra sit down in the bleachers twice? Oops. Continuity, people! But this basketball-themed teen soap has dropped the ball in more ways than one. First off, Chad Michael Murray needs to fire his hairdresser, because whoever gave him that Flowbee haircut jacked him up. Another thing: His TV half-brother, James Lafferty, looks about 30. A very handsome 30, mind you, but he definitely doesn't look convincing playing a high schooler. Shades of 90210...

Judging Amy
Hey, check out sexy Amy Brenneman sportin' that funky Boston shirt. Vintage '70s rock band T-shirts are very chic now, aren't they? I've got "more than a feeling" that there's a Hollywood stylist dressing this Connecticut judge... Fashion aside, I never tire of Tyne Daly as Maxine, the spunky social worker, always standin' up for orphans and bustin' Amy's chops. But I am over TV's endless "ripped from the headlines" plotlines. Like the Amber Alert-themed story, which ends with Maxine finding an abducted girl dead in the trunk of a car. Worse yet, they've got Amy presiding over the murder trial of a wife-killer, who just happens to have a young, blond mistress. Ugh. Isn't Chris O'Donnell already playing a Scott Peterson facsimile on The Practice? I expect this sort of trash from them, but somehow Amy seems too classy to stoop to this. One last thing: Can we please see less of Amy's oafish brother (Marcus Giamatti) and their doctor cousin (Kevin Rahm)? Anytime the show's action shifts away from Tyne and Amy, I just get bored and start doing my bills.