VIDEO Exclusive: This Is What 22 Years' Worth of Nail-Growing Looks Like

Meet Jazz, one of the subjects profiled on this week's My Strange Addiction (Sunday, 10/9c, TLC). Jazz has been growing her fingernails for 22 years. Her longest is 24 inches long. How she isn't a local celebrity in Atlanta, where she lives, is beyond me. In fact, how she isn't the Queen of the World is beyond me. Like, why am I just hearing about this woman now? Why hasn't she been issued presidencies and Purple Hearts and Congressional Medals of Calcium and Nobel Cosmetic Prizes? She is amazing, and her hands are by far the wackiest things I've seen on TV all week (and I watch America's Got Talent, so that's really saying something).

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Below, Jazz talks about this "addiction" (which, if it is one at all, is awfully slowly satisfied, no?), which is more like an affliction as it gets in the way of her doing everything. She can't tie her shoes or type. Washing her hands takes 10 minutes. Eating lobster requires special consideration. She had to get her "furry" (whatever that is!) altered so that she could put it on. The things we do for beauty! Jazz is the feminine burden in a nutshell. A really long, curled, debilitating nutshell.

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Not that she'd have it any other way, as elsewhere in the episode she refers to her colorful growths as "precious to the heart" and a "girl's best friend" (move over, diamonds!). Are you sold on how amazing this woman is yet? No? Well consider this: during the course of the episode (though not in the clip below), she touches on the question that's on everyone's mind: How does a person with two-foot nails wipe herself? Watch and learn, people!