Man, I think these guys are pulling...

Man, I think these guys are pulling pages out of my past, because there were like four bars in my neighborhood that I swear catered to minors. Hell, half of Bonner's class of '87 developed their future drinking problems at this place called Casey's. I still sort of wonder whatever happened to Jenn Mc. from Glenoldern. She was good people. Anyway, it was either Casey's or Pica's, which wasn't so much a bar as it was the epicenter of the best pizza and most lenient bartenders on the planet. Of course, none of them hooked up with their underage patrons like Dennis, Charlie and Sweet Dee did. Poor Mac. The cutest Pilsner-pourer at Paddy's, alone on prom night. That'll learn him for getting so wasted at that dorky girl's beer bash. And who does keg-stands anymore, other than the trampier rose-hogs on The Bachelor? And speaking of, how about that oversexed senior giving Dennis the green light to live out every pervert's dream? "Dude, relax. I'm legal." Yeah, that's a lawsuit waiting to happen. Then again, my mom always said, "God protects children and drunks," so our hilariously childish boozebags should be safe. But just in case, Sweet Dee should probably hold off using "I've never statutory-raped anyone before" as an excuse with the captain of the football team.